Thursday, February 15, 2018

Valentine's Day, Olympics

Saturday, James and I went on a date to the temple. It was really good to be there. I felt very calm and happy. I'm finally feeling at peace about this being my last pregnancy. I am not just giving up early because I think it's too hard. (Although, I do think it's too hard almost every day. I thought that during my last 2 pregnancies as well, but I kept on going because I knew I wasn't done yet.)

We went to a little craft fair in the afternoon. My OB was there and doing ultrasounds for 2 minutes, so I got another look at the baby. He/she was moving around a lot. I can't feel it yet, but I'm only 12 weeks along now.

We have been watching some of the Olympics thanks to YouTube TV. I think they comment too much and don't show enough of the sports, but I really love seeing the figure skating. I am hopeless at all sports, but I can't skate at all, like not even stand up without falling over. My sense of balance has never been great.

We had FHE Monday with Cherissa and Tayson. The kids have been so excited about Valentine's Day for a couple of weeks. They weren't disappointed to bring home lots of cards and candy. James sent me a singing valentine, which was really nice. I didn't cry during it like I did last year. Thank goodness, because that was really embarrassing.

I've been sewing a few small things like baby clothes. All I have left is cloth for doll clothes, then some scraps to make into a quilt eventually. I can't wait to start getting rid of baby clothes. The old, gross ones are going to make a memory quilt, and the rest will get passed on the someone who needs them.

Today it's packing and cleaning for our trip to Rexburg. There's no school tomorrow or Monday, but we're staying until Tuesday. I have to get some cavities filled, my first in about 18 years, so I am kind of nervous. How silly is that? It can't be as bad as giving birth or even hand surgery while awake.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

An Easier Week

We celebrated Lewis's first birthday by watching a movie together (Groundhog Day, of course) and eating homemade pizza. We also went to the library activity in the afternoon. Lewis got a few toys that he really enjoys so far. James is really good at picking out that kind of stuff.

Saturday morning, I went to Women's Day Out. It was pretty fun but not very long because I'm not looking for weight loss, new clothes, or makeup currently. I ended up winning a Subway gift certificate from the hospital! We went out for dinner Saturday night and tried something new at the Chinese place: some of the noodle dishes. They were delicious!

Only one person threw up this week, and it was Joseph on Saturday night. He made a quick recovery but we kept him home from church. I really hope by next week that we can all go together! I had a mini breakdown before church, but I made it only a few minutes late with Kenny and Katie. I'm starting to like doing the music. I still need work figuring out the timing, but it's going pretty well. Maybe next Sunday I'll wake up and not feel sick to my stomach.

The nausea has gotten a lot better this week, but the weird dreams have gotten even weirder. Thankfully, most are just weird and not scary. So far, none actually have to do with the baby.

Lewis is tiny one-year-old, only 16 lbs. 9 oz. and 28 1/4 inches tall, which puts him in the 2nd percentile. The doctor did not seem worried this time about his size and said he's just small. (I could have told him that, haha.) I gave him his first haircut so he looks really grown up now.

I've been trying to work on some sewing. I made a shirt yesterday and was able to follow all the directions, but I don't like how it turned out. I also picked the wrong size, so it doesn't look good on me. I have determined that I really don't like sewing for myself even though I love sewing for AG dolls and my children. All the things I've made in miniature have turned out pretty good and look cute on the recipients. That's strike 3 for me, though, so I think I'm going to stick to D.I. for most of my clothing needs. I'm okay with that.

Today I have parent-teacher conferences for the boys and then nothing going for the next few days. I'm okay with that too. I'm more tired than I was a few weeks ago, but at least it is still manageable.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Good Things

I'm still struggling to feel happy at all, but some good things have happened over the  past week. (Lots of crappy ones too, but I'm going to try really hard not to dwell on them since no one wants to read that!)

1. Dad came to visit! We had a lot of fun eating dinner out, going to D.I. and browsing for treasures, and hanging out. Lewis even likes him now.

2. Everyone is done throwing up. Finally. The whole illness took 10 days to make it through our house, and only James escaped. I didn't actually throw up, but I felt weak and terrible and stayed home Sunday.

3. Sunday was ward conference, so I didn't have to find a sub for my music calling. The stake was already going to take over.

4. We somehow avoided any throwup smell on the couch or carpet because we were always able to clean it up immediately. (No middle-of-the-night incidents.)

5. I feel a lot better overall now that I've reached 10 weeks. It seems that 7-10 are always the worst for me.

6. Lewis is down to one feeding, just at night! Basically, I can quit nursing completely whenever I want, but I think the last will be tomorrow.

7. Tomorrow Lewis turns one!

8. I failed at two sewing projects, but I was able to complete the third one I tried. I had actually messed that up too, but I was able to fix it and actually sew it together without the instructions.

9. I made it to the temple this week.

Here's to hoping for a better week next week!

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Tender Mercies

I don't know if I'll have any truly happy posts until I've a) had the baby and b) recovered somewhat so I don't look totally horrible. I hate how I look right now.

Even through all the garbage of this week, there are always tender mercies.

Kenny threw up and had diarrhea Saturday night, but James and I just happened to stay up a little later and were there to help him clean up. Because of our callings, we were able to switch off with church and do everything we needed to. Kenny's recovery was very quick and he was able to return to school on Monday.

Monday, my babysitter did not show up so I could go to my doctor's appointment alone. However, I was able to keep myself together and gather Katie and Lewis. Lewis was completely happy and Katie was a big help in keeping him from escaping. It's a miracle because I didn't have any food or drink with me. I got to see my baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound and there is only one, despite Katie saying I was going to have twins. I always worry that my pregnancy test was wrong or that the baby will have died and I didn't know about it, so I'm glad that this was not the case. I get a little more paranoid each time. The boys were fine went I got home. (They went and got the babysitter because they didn't know I'd asked another neighbor to take care of them until I got home.)

Katie threw up this morning, but it was on the bathroom floor and very easy to clean up. I was able to find the motivation to get her room clean in time for our visitors tomorrow (Dad and Nash). She should be fine by tomorrow, and everyone else seems fine too, so I'm crossing my fingers that it stays that way.

Even with the tender mercies, it's still been a difficult week. I lack the motivation to do anything except eat junk food, and that doesn't even sound good sometimes. Things that normally make me happy just don't. I still get them done, so I'm not clinically depressed, but I definitely feel kind of complacent about doing anything with my life right now. I do exercise, but that's not going to change the fact that I started off 20 lbs. overweight, and 10 of that I could have lost while nursing.

Speaking of which, Lewis is mostly weaned! Tomorrow I drop down to two feedings, just morning and night. He is also officially walking at least as much as he is crawling. He looks so funny because he is a little tiny thing.

Thursday, January 18, 2018


James and I went out for his birthday (Friday) by going to the temple and then to dinner. We had German chocolate cake plus ice cream with the kids when we got home. It was delicious! I'm also really glad we went to the temple. I was supposed to go again this week but talked myself out of it because I was so tired. It's all too easy to make excuses.

I don't remember Saturday, but I think it was pretty relaxing. Sunday, I took Joseph to his baptism preview. It's really weird to think that will happen this year.

This whole week has been a struggle. I felt really sick on Monday. There was no school, so James helped me by taking the kids out for a hike so I could relax. I still felt really crummy even though I was just on the couch. Tuesday was a little better, but I still felt pretty awful. When I woke up feeling a lot better on Wednesday, I realized I'd probably had a virus because I've been feeling much better since then. I could barely eat anything because nothing sounded good. I'm glad that at least now I can eat somewhat normally without feeling like I'm going to throw up all the time.

I haven't worked on much of anything, projectwise, because I've been too tired to really focus. Thankfully, my sleep quality has improved somewhat. I wake up but am able to go back to sleep. I definitely need 9 hours in a day, just like with my other pregnancies.

Weaning Lewis is going well. He should be completely weaned right around his 1st birthday! I had stored a bunch of pumped milk in the freezer, so I've just been using that up. I'd like to think that I'll have more energy once I wean him, but I won't hope for too much because that wasn't the case when I weaned Kenny and was pregnant with Katie. Pregnancy is 1,000 times more draining than breastfeeding.

I don't know how I'm going to survive this year. One day at a time. I really hope I never have to do anything this physically demanding ever again. I can't think of anything more draining except maybe cancer.

Thursday, January 11, 2018

The Last One

The visit with the Heads went well. We went swimming, or the kids did, while I took a nap. We ate dinner together both nights and played some games. They had to leave Friday night instead of Saturday morning like they usually do because they got a new dog. I hope it gets a new name soon, because right now her name is Sacha. (Probably Sasha, but still...)

Saturday morning, I played the piano for stake baptisms. It went well. The rest of the day I rested because of a cold/sore throat. I felt about the same on Sunday and maybe should have stayed home, but I was needed for a meeting with a member of the bishopric. They are changing my calling yet again. Instead of playing the piano, I'll be the chorister.

This is the most reluctant I've ever felt about a calling. When James told me I needed to be at church early, I balked at the idea and even figured out quickly what I was going to be called to. I am not energetic at all these days, and I am due right before when the Primary program is supposed to happen. I feel a little better about it now, but it really feels like God has a terrible sense of humor this time. I still feel a little angry about it. I know I need to repent.

This week I have worked on a little sewing and done my regular stuff, but it's been really tough. My sleep quality is very poor, so it's a struggle to focus on anything. Food never seems very appealing either. Eating and sleeping are two of life's greatest joys, and having them taken away makes the days seem very long! My kids have already noticed that I'm grouchy, and I don't think they're as excited about this baby because of that.

I am starting to feel more confident about this being our last baby. Heavenly Father has a way of stretching me further than I though I ever could go. My first two pregnancies were fine, but even by my third, I starting hating it a lot and really struggling to just function. A lot of it is emotional, not physical, but I think I have met my limit by being pregnant a 5th time. None of my deliveries have been particularly great either, and Lewis's birth and subsequent stay in the NICU were traumatic, to say the least. All these reasons have a lot to do with it, but mostly I just know. I feel peaceful about it and ready to move on the raising kids instead of just growing them.

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Christmas Break Pt. 2: NC Trip

Our travel went even more smoothly than expected: not a single snowflake on the drive, good time, and a seamless flight the next morning that was 30 minutes shorter than expected. Christmas Eve at the hotel was pretty fun except that I was really carsick from travel and ate too much, so I threw up. Other than that, we had a good evening. We arrived in NC Christmas afternoon and had some dinner and opened presents.

Tuesday, we traveled to the Museum of Life and Science in Durham. Ceci and Brinson went with us. We had a great time. The museum has tons of stuff inside and out, including a butterfly room and giant tree fort.  We were all very tired by the time we got home. I organized a bunch of files for dad and set aside the stuff  needed for Mara's scrapbook. Mara and Ricky, Brinson and Ceci, and Christian and Rachel all came over in the evening.

Wednesday, we stayed at the house and I worked on Mara's scrapbook and mostly just hung out. We had Christmas dinner withe everyone except Rachel, who had to work. Ricky's family came over for dessert after. I was especially glad to eat my favorite cake for Christian's belated birthday.

Thursday, we went to the children's museum in Raleigh (Marbles). Mara and Ricky went with us. The kids really loved it. We ate at Cookout on the way home. Mara's bachelorette party was that night at Rachel's house. It was fun to eat lots of snacks and watch a silly movie. I did a face mask instead of my nails.

Friday was the big day: the wedding! It was a beautiful by cold day for a NC winter. We all made it to the temple on time and everything went smoothly. The luncheon followed and after a rest at home, the reception. It was perfect: family, friends, excellent food, and beautiful decorations. We were all pretty worn out by the end of the day. Poor Mara and Ricky had to drive 4 hours to Charleston that night!

Saturday, we went to the Museum of Natural Sciences in Raleigh. It was also amazing. My grandparents came with us. The kids really enjoyed this one too because there were lots of animals and hands-on things to do. I'm really glad I took the time to plan these trips, because they were all really fun for the kids! When we go back, James and the other siblings went to help someone move. We then all went out to dinner at Golden Corral with Grandma and Grandpa.

Church went well today, even though I was super tired through most of it. It was nice to be with adults since I'm not anymore in my ward.

Plans for the next 3 days: clean out the fridge and freezer, make dinner, help Mom clean her room, service for Myles, Nash, and Lars if they think of anything, getting ready to travel home, and actually traveling home on Wed. It involves lots of flying and driving, but we should arrive in Vernal by the kids' bedtime if all goes well. Thursday, of course, will be a catch-up day: unpacking, cleaning, shopping, and laundry, and then the in-laws come to visit that evening because of work.

The tiredness might kill me by then. I found out on Dec. 20 that I am pregnant, so not very far, just barely over 5 weeks. I think it may be our last one, but I am not 100% sure. If not, there is definitely only one more. It's weird to think about being done with the baby stage, but I am ready. This trip reminds me how difficult it is to manage a lot of little people while pregnant. Everything is harder when you need a nap every day! I'm due August 29th by my calculation. I should find out more at my first appt. on Jan. 22nd. I am really excited.