It's been one of those days. For no apparent reason, I keep having to drag myself out of bed at 6:45. I have no reason to be that tired, because my boys never wake me up at night and go down by 8:30. I don't go to bed late. Maybe James's alarm is waking me up at the wrong part of my sleep cycle. I wish I knew! I haven't been feeling 100% over the last week: just tired, on edge, and moody, not to mention hungry.
I also can't seem to shake my feelings of inferiority to many other families. It's hard knowing that we will be living on one teacher salary for the rest of our lives, so we will never be rich. I will likely never have my "dream house" with the wraparound porch and turret. We will be lucky to afford a house at all. Most teachers' wives also work (commonly as teachers!), but I'm staying home. It's a huge sacrifice but definitely the right thing to do. I suppose that my fears are not unfounded. My mom tells me of the time that her dad worked as a teacher and her mom stayed home. She said it was really hard. That's coming from a woman who's been really frugal her whole life.
My greatest fear is that I won't be able to provide for my children: that they will be ashamed of eating homemade bread (because who eats that more than once in a while?), that they will reject "new" clothes from yard sales and D.I., and that they won't want to have their friends over to a house that probably needs some fixing up.
I'm doing everything that I can to save us money, but I often feel that I'm not doing enough. Am I really doing my best, or can I do better?
I hope that my children will continue to be easy to please. Joseph usually snacks on bread and butter, because it makes him happy and he requests it. Grandma sent him a pack of graham crackers recently, and you would think that he'd died and gone to heaven. Graham crackers are a luxury here.
I don't say these things to get pity or to brag about how cheap I am. Sometimes I enjoy being a tightwad, but other times it's not as fun. Some people go to yard sales and D.I. because it's fun. I shop at those places out of necessity.
I never realized how important my skills are to my household. Instead of being out there earning money, I'm working hard to save it. It's not an easy job. Nobody is standing here telling me that I'm doing a good job. I don't get a printout of how many hours I've spent working or how much money I've saved us. I will probably never know. We will never come close to keeping up with the Joneses, but I'm still going to do everything to have my dream home, even if it's not a dream house.
What a great post, Sacha! I often feel the same way; that my job in our household is to SAVE the money we make. It is a challenging and sometimes daunting task, but with great moms like yourself for me to look up to, it makes my job much easier.
ReplyDeletePS I love your cooking and food storage blogs! Sorry I never comment, but I do visit them often. :) Hope all is well with you and your beautiful family there in Vernal.
Thanks, Nicole! I still miss being your visiting teacher. It's weird to think that I've never even met your little guy and that he's a year old already. Take care.
DeleteYou're not alone Sacha! I've often had many of the same thoughts. After all I'm the one with the college degree... and I stay home while my husband slaves away at work and school. I know deep down though that my work at home is vitally important. So I try to track each and every one of our pennies. I too shop garage sales (which is necessity... but I also find it be very fun), I make anything I can from scratch, and I clip coupons religiously.
ReplyDeleteAnd you can have your dream home! I think what goes on indside your home has a lot more to do with it being your dream home then whether or not it has a wrap around porch (or atleast that's what I tell myself :)). And who says it has to be all done up the moment you turn the key, I think half the fun is turning it into your dream home a little at a time.
I hear you! And every time I feel guilty about not adding to our household income, I do some mental calculations on how much more money we would need to have coming in if I were working full-time, just to make up for everything I do. Even without kids, practically all of my income would be going to household stuff to make up for the loss of my house savvy! ;)
ReplyDeleteI have my moments of feeling frustrated about being poor as well. For us, it's the enormous medical expenses. We spend so much on medical stuff every year. Mahon and I figured out the other day that we could be taking trips to Hawaii 2x a year if we didn't have my medical costs, LOL!!! But honestly, by and large I feel SO blessed. We've never been rich, and I doubt we ever will be - but Heavenly Father has taken care of us so well and provided us with everything that we need financially. We may not be wealthy or have the nicest stuff, but every time a financial crisis hits, we are taken care of. And really, I think that is the best thing I could ask for! And hey, we can just rock D.I. clothes and furnishings together! ;)
Oh, and as far as the teacher's salary goes - TRUST ME. No matter how little it is, it will feel like wealth compared to a student budget!!!! We still don't make much at all by American standards, but it feels like we're rolling in the dough because we are so much better off than we used to be!
Oh, and I grew up with hand-me-down clothes and homemade bread, and I turned out just fine! ;)
ReplyDeleteYou ladies are all AWESOME and I'm so glad to have you as my friends! :) My day has improved dramatically since I wrote this. I'm glad to be reminded that I'm not alone. Sometimes, I just need the reminder because I should already know.
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