All of Them

I want to write on a topic near and dear to my heart, and I hope it comes across as I want it to! I can't always convey sentiment perfectly through writing. If I could, I'd be rich.

I want a big family. By big, I mean 6 kids (give or take), not quite the family of 9 kids that I was raised in. It's a commonly discussed topic among LDS women: their children, because they are our past, present, and future. Our children are everything to us.

I've been surprised at the responses I've gotten after mentioning my desire for a big family. I don't bring it up randomly; I'm usually answering the direct question of, "How many kids do you want?"  It's an innocent question, right? I don't mind answering it, but when I do, women start recounting their current children's awful behavior, their horrible pregnancies, limited finances, or an unwilling husband as the reason(s) for the number of children they currently have. For my current circle of friends, that number is generally 1-3.

Why should it have to be that way? Should my answer really cause such responses that suggest both defensiveness and guilt?

First of all, I don't HAVE 6 children. Not yet. I don't know for certain that I ever will. I do know for certain of at least 3 of them (announcement!), but any number of things could happen after this pregnancy. I won't recount the possible tragedies, because that's not my point.

Moms of one are great moms. Moms of 10 are, guess what? They are still great moms, and not any greater than moms of one. Who in the Church determined that more children means more righteous families? That moms with fewer children have less faith or gave up too soon? Or that big families really are outdated and foolish in today's world? I feel that the prejudice goes both ways.

The choice of how many and when to have your kids is up to you and your husband, but God gets the final say. I didn't understand that at first, because everything seemed to work out perfectly with my timing and exactly what I wanted. Trust in God, but don't cast aside your own desires; they matter too! But be careful, and don't let your own desires drown out anything the Spirit has to say. When your will (and husband's) line up with God's, that's when everything falls into place.

If I planned everything "just so", my kids would be exactly 2 year apart, never born in winter, and in alphabetical order, but it doesn't work that way.

I now find myself expecting  a baby in October only 18/19 months after Kenny was born. I've had this baby on my mind for a while, but I still felt surprise and a little shock when the pregnancy actually came to be. I started to fear a little about the timing, what others will think of me, etc.  Logically, of course, it doesn't make much sense to have another baby when you already have 2 in diapers and 1 still nursing, plus a small Corolla as the only car. Fitting 3 car seats in it might be a joke.

But logic aside, I'm happily taking this leap of faith. Somehow I feel more confident in the the timing than ever before. I guess it's because we left it entirely up to God this time. Like I said before, I personally wouldn't choose October! We will have to wait on buying a house and maybe another car, because our savings will go toward paying for the baby, but perhaps I haven't learned all that I can from this ghetto apartment. There are blessings to be found in washing dishes by hand and moldy windows.

I'm barely starting to grasp the lessons that God has in store for me. Each child is a new set of lessons. I don't know how many children our family will have when it's all said and done, but that is irrelevant.

The Lord gave his servants 5 talents, 2 talents, and 1 talent. His servants' final reward - everything - depended entirely on what they'd done with the talents, not how many they'd been given in the first place. How many talents those servants 'wanted' is not even relevant to the story. They took what they'd been given, then doubled it.

How many children do I want?

All of them.

Boy or girl, mild-mannered or strong-willed, planned by my timing or God's, I will take them all...one at a time.

One final note: If you do end up expecting a child that you really didn't plan for (a complete surprise!), please be careful how you word that on Facebook. Sometimes it can come across as a little harsh if you don't sound completely happy about a pregnancy. The same goes for saying that a particular baby is your last. I have seen a few posts that have made me cringe recently, but I give those women the benefit of the doubt. I know they are loving mothers, just surprised at a new arrival or very relieved to be on a last pregnancy.