Lewis Wade Head

It was a pretty exciting week, to say the least. Warning: this post will be very long.

Sunday and Monday passed pretty normally. I was officially due Sunday, but nothing happening, so I went to church. Tuesday, I woke up with painful contractions, so James stayed home from school. I really thought it was the real thing, but it wasn't. Despite walking a lot, they tapered off by evening. Mom and Myles arrived that day, so we just hung out.

Wednesday at my doctor's appointment, I got my membranes stripped. Long story short, that didn't work either. I went in Thursday morning to get induced, something I thought I'd never do, but I actually felt pretty peaceful about it. I got a pretty good night of sleep, and we headed to the hospital at 7 a.m. for my induction. I was having contractions, but they were still just 10 minutes apart and not progressing at all. My induction felt a lot like my other labors, because they have all required Pitocin anyway to help speed them along. Everything went pretty well until I got to 7 cm. The baby's heart rate kept dropping and taking a long time to recover. They actually turned the Pitocin off by this point because the contractions were strong enough. They also put some internal monitors on the baby to make sure he was really okay. It was pretty clear that he was distressed by the contractions.

At 9 cm, I signed a consent form for a possible C-section and they got the OR ready. A few minutes later I was at 10 cm, so I ended up delivering in the OR. I had to get unhooked from the epidural at this point to transfer rooms, and they couldn't hook it back up because it was no longer sterile. Needless to say, I had a pretty horrible time with pushing. The dr. used several vacuums to assist, because the baby really needed to come out quickly. His head was turned a little the side, which explained why he wasn't coming out easily. After about half an hour (I was in too much pain to really know), Lewis was finally born at 10:04 p.m. Once his head was out, his whole body came with it. I'm just glad he didn't end up on the floor. He was 7 lbs. 7 oz. and 20 1/2 inches long.

I started shaking uncontrollably at this point. The OR was freezing, and I had literally been 1 cm from a C-section, and the pain was so great I just wanted to quit and get knocked out. I'm glad I made it, though.

Lewis was a little pale and not quite as responsive as they would have liked, so they whisked him away to the nursery (which is also the NICU, but I didn't know that till a few days later) to be hooked up to oxygen and a couple other things, but I'm not sure what. I was too out of it. Despite the difficult delivery, I didn't feel too terrible after some sleep and a few meals - and a shower. I also didn't tear, but I have no idea how that's even possible.

Friday, I felt a lot better physically, but not so much emotionally. Lewis made huge improvements and was off everything except oxygen. I was finally able to nurse him for the first time around noon. (Delaying made me more emotional, but it did not affect his ability to learn to nurse, in case anyone was worried about that.) My family came to visit around lunch and see him through the window. Children under 13 weren't allowed back at all because of RSV season. I kept on feeding him every few hours morning and night, and he did really well.

Saturday was mostly the same (feeding, family visit, and some paperwork and lots of rest). I got officially discharged but decided to stay put so I could be available for feedings. Saturday night and all of Sunday were the most emotional time because of my milk coming in and not being able to go home with Lewis. I went home for a little bit on Sunday to see the kids before church, but it was heartbreaking to be there without my baby. James was good to stay with me every single night on that uncomfortable couch-bed.

Monday morning, I finally got to keep Lewis in the room with me! He was off oxygen and just had one monitor on his foot. That one monitor was pretty stressful, though. It kept beeping every few minutes, and my first thought was, "My baby is dying!" every time. I returned him to the nursery for night time so I could sleep. I ended up feeding him 4x, so not much sleep happened, but that didn't matter.

Tuesday, we finally got to come home! It was so wonderful to have a baby with no monitors attached and to eat real food, take a nap in my own bed, and have everyone finally get to hold him. I've been playing catch up today with paperwork and bills, but not too much cleaning yet. I've been recovering really well and don't need pain meds anymore. Lewis is completely healthy, eating and sleeping and pooping all the time. He is seldom awake, but when he is, he is very calm and alert.

One of the nurses said she would have sent us home Saturday or Sunday, so that really didn't help the experience. It seemed that they were very strict on what he had to do to break out of the NICU - like stay warm, gain weight, etc. which shouldn't be a problem for any full term baby. He didn't have any problems with those things at all. He is already heavier than his birth weight, and he not even a week old.

How I survived, really: Mom and Myles taking care of the kids, James being able to stay with me night and day, and spending lots of time in the nursery/NICU talking to the nurses. That's not to mention many prayers and several blessings to be able to cope with everything. It was impossible to stay alone during this trial. I'm really glad he got good care, and I know I did the right thing in having him, but it certainly doesn't make me excited to have another baby any time soon. I have already forgotten a lot of the physical pain because my recovery has been pretty quick, but I know the emotional pain will linger longer. I know that many women have much worse experiences than I do, but this was definitely my worst birth story. Despite all that, the fact that I can write this story without sobbing (still a few tears, but not too many) shows how powerful that Atonement is when it comes to healing. I'm grateful to have this little boy. I am sad for my friends who have experienced outcomes that were not as favorable as mine.