We hung out Friday morning while I got the normal chores done. In the afternoon, we went swimming and then to dinner at Rex's cousin's house. It was really cool to meet her and her husband. That would make them James's 1st cousins once removed. We had a really good time.
Saturday, we went to a few yard sales and didn't find anything. After everyone left, James worked on putting the bunk bed together while I did the usual mom stuff. It was pretty exciting to get it all set up. I love having all the boys together in one room.
Sunday was normal.
Monday to Thursday (today) have been a little rough. I'm struggling a lot with my body image, and I'm not sure why. I lack the motivation to exercise or eat super healthy, but I have stayed the same since 2 months post-partum, not gotten any bigger. My regular clothes all fit, just not my super "skinny" size 8 pants (of which I only have 1 pair).
I'm just tired of feeling fat. No one close to me thinks I look bad or anything. It's the pressure I put on myself to get back in shape. I'd rather drown my feelings with cheese and ice cream instead of actually do anything about them. I never know how long Lewis will sleep during the day either, so some things (like weeding the garden) just haven't gotten done because I hate to break them up into tiny chunks of time. I feel like I'm wasting my time if I use all of naptime on outside work. I'm keeping up with the house just fine. It's just a struggle to want to go out and do stuff.
I miss James. His days at mosquito abatement are long. The money is nice, sure, but I don't see him from 7 am - 4:30 pm. The last hour is pure torture sometimes. It seems like all hell breaks loose after 3:30!
Sorry to complain to the 20 people who read this. I love being a mom, but the days are long, frustrating, and lonely sometimes. I never realized how much I'd worry about how I look or if I'm doing a good enough job.
I just want to sleep all night again. Lewis wakes up at 5 am to nurse, which means I'm awake for the day no matter what I try to do to sleep again. 9/10 times I just toss and turn, which means only about 6 hours of sleep...almost enough, but not quite. When I hit the afternoon slump, the kids are all awake and annoy me constantly even if Lewis is napping. So I find myself reaching for sugary junk food, which then makes me crash and feel grumpy.
This too shall pass.
Yes it will pass, but until it does you are not the only one who struggles with these things.
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