Grumpy

This won't be a super happy post, so I am sorry in advance. My life is not perfect. I'm really struggling to see the good in it this week. Though November is supposed to be a month of giving thanks, I always have a difficult time with it because of the dark days. I would say cold, but it hasn't been that cold yet, nothing more than a hoodie required for when I go outside.

I feel like I'm not good at anything. I can't seem to remember to do my daughter's hair, the house is always messy from 7 am to 8 pm, and I can't seem to stop eating snacks at night when all my negative emotions hit. I know I should be trying to be a little healthier, and the fact that I don't try harder makes me feel guilty. I have all the knowledge I need to be in perfect shape, but I lack the desire. It doesn't help that I hate exercising. At best, I tolerate it. I only do it now to avoid pain. It does work, but it certainly isn't the best motivating factor.

The past two days have been especially difficult. I got some bad news, and instead of giving emotional support, James has been sick and asleep. I know it's not his fault, but the timing is especially unfortunate. He stayed home yesterday and hardly got out of bed. He takes maybe 1 sick day every 2 years. Why does it have to be when I need him the most?

I remember reading something about cravings going away if you ignore them for 20 minutes. Well, last night I was going to try hard not to eat a bunch of snacks just to feel better. After an hour, I couldn't stand it anymore and just did it anyway. I honestly don't know how to handle my negative emotions in a healthy way. I guess food isn't the worst thing in the world. I've been dealing with food my entire life. There is nothing else that works so quickly. At least it's not drugs, right?

Things will get better. It won't always be dark. I know we've been given seasons to be able to appreciate change. I just haven't learned to appreciate November yet. I used to hate October too, but I really enjoyed it the past 2 years. I'll take it one day at a time.