The Last One

The visit with the Heads went well. We went swimming, or the kids did, while I took a nap. We ate dinner together both nights and played some games. They had to leave Friday night instead of Saturday morning like they usually do because they got a new dog. I hope it gets a new name soon, because right now her name is Sacha. (Probably Sasha, but still...)

Saturday morning, I played the piano for stake baptisms. It went well. The rest of the day I rested because of a cold/sore throat. I felt about the same on Sunday and maybe should have stayed home, but I was needed for a meeting with a member of the bishopric. They are changing my calling yet again. Instead of playing the piano, I'll be the chorister.

This is the most reluctant I've ever felt about a calling. When James told me I needed to be at church early, I balked at the idea and even figured out quickly what I was going to be called to. I am not energetic at all these days, and I am due right before when the Primary program is supposed to happen. I feel a little better about it now, but it really feels like God has a terrible sense of humor this time. I still feel a little angry about it. I know I need to repent.

This week I have worked on a little sewing and done my regular stuff, but it's been really tough. My sleep quality is very poor, so it's a struggle to focus on anything. Food never seems very appealing either. Eating and sleeping are two of life's greatest joys, and having them taken away makes the days seem very long! My kids have already noticed that I'm grouchy, and I don't think they're as excited about this baby because of that.

I am starting to feel more confident about this being our last baby. Heavenly Father has a way of stretching me further than I though I ever could go. My first two pregnancies were fine, but even by my third, I starting hating it a lot and really struggling to just function. A lot of it is emotional, not physical, but I think I have met my limit by being pregnant a 5th time. None of my deliveries have been particularly great either, and Lewis's birth and subsequent stay in the NICU were traumatic, to say the least. All these reasons have a lot to do with it, but mostly I just know. I feel peaceful about it and ready to move on the raising kids instead of just growing them.