It's been really hard to wake up since the time change. I wish they'd just do away with it, but I suppose there are more important things for Congress (or whoever's actually in charge of it) to argue over. Oh well.
James's family came to visit this past weekend. It was a lot of fun. We had corned beef and cabbage on Thursday. Friday, I went birthday shopping for some new shoes and other misc. items with Melodie. The kids all went swimming in the afternoon while I spent it with Lewis. Then we went out to dinner at the Chinese place. Melodie and I watched "When Calls the Heart" while the others played games. That can be hard to do while I'm feeding Lewis.
They had to leave Saturday morning. I went to baby shower in the afternoon. After that, we hung out until 8, when two of James's friends came over for games. We played a really interesting game called Mansions of Madness.
Sunday was pretty normal. I went to all of church after James had his morning meetings. We did FHE a day early with Cherissa and Tayson because...
Monday, James worked for 3 hours on our dishwasher. Unfortunately, it's still broken. :( It may be a few months before we can afford a new one, but with this being the 3rd repair in 4 years, I think it's time to replace it. Bummer.
Tuesday, James went to the temple. The kids and I caught up on some reading. Joseph has finished 2 sets of books from school now! I think by a year from now, he'll be reading anything he wants.
Wednesday, I went to a stake RS birthday party that also had pie. It was fun. I even took Lewis, and aside from forgetting the diaper bag (I'm out of practice), it was perfect.
Today has been the most blah day of all. Lewis has been a little grumpy and not napping as long as he normally does. I think it's probably another growth spurt.
I just want to feel normal. I feel about 90% of normal, but there's that 10% that keeps nagging me in the back of my mind that I never do enough, am not a good mom, and will ultimately fail to make a difference in anyone's life. Once I get out of bed and start my day, I usually feel fine. Today has just dragged on more than usual. My birthday is coming in a few days. If that doesn't cheer me up, I don't know what will!
Thursday, March 23, 2017
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Week 6
We had a really good week. The weather is absolutely gorgeous, both sunny and warm, and all the snow is gone except for a tiny bit of ice on the cold side of our house. I'm so excited! This time of year, it feels like everyone comes out of hibernation and is really happy.
I had an eye appointment on Friday and ran some errands. We went to the park on Saturday and also bought some fertilizer for our yard. The kids had a great time. They've been playing outside with friends all week. It's so great to be able to send them out. We've all been going crazy from being cooped up all winter. They helped me clean up the yard. We always get lots of trash that blows in during windy days.
For FHE on Monday, we bought and watched Moana. I love that movie! It was a great ending to a stressful day. The dishwasher broke and I thought I already had the right part, but it turns out I didn't and had to order it from ebay. It wasn't expensive, but I'll have to wash by hand until the 21st (or until I get it fixed.) It looks a little complicated. This will be my 3rd time fixing the stupid thing. It's a Bosch and not that old. I think it was maybe a year old when we moved in 4 years ago. Oh well.
James and I started a "temple Tuesday" tradition. It was my turn this week. I enjoyed it, even though I was kind of sleepy.
I had my 6-week postpartum appointment yesterday. It went well. I thought it was in the afternoon but it ended up being the morning, and my neighbor that I would've asked to watch my kids was sick, so I took the younger 3 with me. They were a little crazy (except for Lewis, who slept the whole time), but we made it. I able to get back sooner from shopping in the afternoon.
I've been getting ready for our visitors, the Heads, who arrive this afternoon. I made bread and got things ready for corned beef and cabbage along with my normal, routine housework. All that remains is to sweep and clean outside. I'm excited to introduce Lewis to everyone (except Grandma, who already met him and needs no introduction). He's grown a lot since she saw him last anyway and is now smiling. I'm so glad to have such a happy baby who sleeps so well.
I had an eye appointment on Friday and ran some errands. We went to the park on Saturday and also bought some fertilizer for our yard. The kids had a great time. They've been playing outside with friends all week. It's so great to be able to send them out. We've all been going crazy from being cooped up all winter. They helped me clean up the yard. We always get lots of trash that blows in during windy days.
For FHE on Monday, we bought and watched Moana. I love that movie! It was a great ending to a stressful day. The dishwasher broke and I thought I already had the right part, but it turns out I didn't and had to order it from ebay. It wasn't expensive, but I'll have to wash by hand until the 21st (or until I get it fixed.) It looks a little complicated. This will be my 3rd time fixing the stupid thing. It's a Bosch and not that old. I think it was maybe a year old when we moved in 4 years ago. Oh well.
James and I started a "temple Tuesday" tradition. It was my turn this week. I enjoyed it, even though I was kind of sleepy.
I had my 6-week postpartum appointment yesterday. It went well. I thought it was in the afternoon but it ended up being the morning, and my neighbor that I would've asked to watch my kids was sick, so I took the younger 3 with me. They were a little crazy (except for Lewis, who slept the whole time), but we made it. I able to get back sooner from shopping in the afternoon.
I've been getting ready for our visitors, the Heads, who arrive this afternoon. I made bread and got things ready for corned beef and cabbage along with my normal, routine housework. All that remains is to sweep and clean outside. I'm excited to introduce Lewis to everyone (except Grandma, who already met him and needs no introduction). He's grown a lot since she saw him last anyway and is now smiling. I'm so glad to have such a happy baby who sleeps so well.
Thursday, March 9, 2017
Week 5
Not a lot has happened this week. Lewis is starting to smile, though it's mostly on accident. It's so cute. His naps are getting somewhat shorter (not 4 hours long anymore), but his sleep at night only continues to get better. He's done 7-8 hours for the first stretch all week. He's also going to bed earlier, around 8:30 some nights. Of course it's still pretty unpredictable, but I can't complain.
Everyone loves Lewis a lot. There are sometimes fights over who gets to hold him or play with him on the floor. We're working on tummy time. I always hate doing it, and so do my babies.
The snow is finally melting! The weather forecast is in the mid to high 50's and sunny all week. I'm so happy. I've had a few mornings where I wake up feeling kind of sad, even though the sun is up, but once I get out of bed and start the day, I feel fine. My reflux is gone now too. I was worried that it was going to stick around. I think eating healthier has helped it a lot. It's also helped me to start losing weight. Hurray! By June I should be back at pre-pregnancy weight or pretty close. Those last few usually won't budge while I'm nursing.
Everyone loves Lewis a lot. There are sometimes fights over who gets to hold him or play with him on the floor. We're working on tummy time. I always hate doing it, and so do my babies.
The snow is finally melting! The weather forecast is in the mid to high 50's and sunny all week. I'm so happy. I've had a few mornings where I wake up feeling kind of sad, even though the sun is up, but once I get out of bed and start the day, I feel fine. My reflux is gone now too. I was worried that it was going to stick around. I think eating healthier has helped it a lot. It's also helped me to start losing weight. Hurray! By June I should be back at pre-pregnancy weight or pretty close. Those last few usually won't budge while I'm nursing.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Week 4
Lewis is 1 month old! How is that even possible? He is such a wonderful baby. The only time he's really been cranky was for a few days this week when he went through a growth spurt. I had to nurse him constantly when he was awake. Thankfully, he still slept normally at night - only waking up once around 3 a.m.! I get plenty of sleep thanks to him.
Sometimes nursing can be depressing, a little. I'm barely starting to work on my excess weight, so during those growth spurt days, I literally felt like a fat cow. I wouldn't trade it for anything, though. Joseph was sick for a day, and I didn't worry as much because I know Lewis is getting plenty of antibodies. (At least, I wasn't a total germaphobe, but I didn't let Joseph hold or kiss him while he was sick. But they do live in the same house!)
I guess my big outing this week is going grocery shopping and running a few errands. I was going to go to the ward temple night last night, but I had a terrible headache that ibuprofen wouldn't touch. Last night was the first night I didn't wake up sweating, though, so maybe my hormones are almost back to normal! I don't remember ever sweating this much before.
I was feeling a little down one evening, though nothing compared to a few weeks ago. Katie started telling me how Jesus is her friend. It was really cute and brought tears to my eyes.
I guess that about covers it for the week. Time for another feeding!
Sometimes nursing can be depressing, a little. I'm barely starting to work on my excess weight, so during those growth spurt days, I literally felt like a fat cow. I wouldn't trade it for anything, though. Joseph was sick for a day, and I didn't worry as much because I know Lewis is getting plenty of antibodies. (At least, I wasn't a total germaphobe, but I didn't let Joseph hold or kiss him while he was sick. But they do live in the same house!)
I guess my big outing this week is going grocery shopping and running a few errands. I was going to go to the ward temple night last night, but I had a terrible headache that ibuprofen wouldn't touch. Last night was the first night I didn't wake up sweating, though, so maybe my hormones are almost back to normal! I don't remember ever sweating this much before.
I was feeling a little down one evening, though nothing compared to a few weeks ago. Katie started telling me how Jesus is her friend. It was really cute and brought tears to my eyes.
I guess that about covers it for the week. Time for another feeding!
Thursday, February 23, 2017
Week 3
So much of my life revolves around Lewis, so it's hard not to write from the point of view of a new mom. Once we go out in April, then my blog titles will probably change.
Friday, I had a pretty normal day and hung out with the family (plus James's mom and brother Joseph). It involved lots of laundry. I had to rest a lot because I had a blocked milk duct that really hurt so I didn't get much sleep, but I was able to resolve it quickly with lots of feedings.
Saturday, Melodie and I went shopping with the $50 someone gave me as a gift. I got a nightgown, fruit bowl, chocolate bar, earrings, and pants. Random, I know, but the best shopping trips are ones where you have plenty of money but aren't looking for anything specific. James and I went on a date during the afternoon. We picked out silly things at D.I. and found some mud to drive the car through. We also got a treat at Wendy's. Once the kids were in bed (except Lewis), we played a board game. I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. Usually strategy games drive me crazy because they require too much thinking.
Sunday, I went to 9:00 Sacrament meeting while everyone else was home and James at his normal morning meetings. They all went to church at 1:00 while I hung out with Lewis. We both ended up taking naps in the chair. I usually fall asleep at night in that chair too, when I'm trying to get Lewis to bed. I'm often asleep by 9:45 or so, but I can't say I'm terribly sleep-deprived. I could just use a cat nap here and there. The rest of the evening was spent talking to families and eating a yummy dinner and dessert.
Monday, everyone left to go home and there was no school, so we spent the day cleaning and relaxing, a pretty typical holiday around here.
Tuesday through today have been about the same. I've been keeping up with the housework while feeding Lewis what feels like constantly. It's worth it have a kid who sleeps so well at night. He goes to be between 9:30 and 10 and wakes 1-2x during the night, then wakes up for the morning between 7:00 and 8:00...usually. One morning it was 6:00.
Last night was a terrible night for me, but nothing to do with Lewis. I had fed him at 3 a.m. but couldn't get back to sleep. At 4 a.m., I got some terrible afterbirth pains. I had to take both ibuprofen and Percoset and get in a warm bath. It took till 5:30 to get back to sleep. I had pains like that after Kenny - weird, random pain in the middle of the night after a week of no pain at all. It's like all my insides shrinking are having some trouble. Thankfully I feel fine now.
We're getting a lot of snow. I don't care, because I know it's going to melt soon. I can't wait for March to roll around soon, because that means spring and my birthday, and then our quarantine is over.
Friday, I had a pretty normal day and hung out with the family (plus James's mom and brother Joseph). It involved lots of laundry. I had to rest a lot because I had a blocked milk duct that really hurt so I didn't get much sleep, but I was able to resolve it quickly with lots of feedings.
Saturday, Melodie and I went shopping with the $50 someone gave me as a gift. I got a nightgown, fruit bowl, chocolate bar, earrings, and pants. Random, I know, but the best shopping trips are ones where you have plenty of money but aren't looking for anything specific. James and I went on a date during the afternoon. We picked out silly things at D.I. and found some mud to drive the car through. We also got a treat at Wendy's. Once the kids were in bed (except Lewis), we played a board game. I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. Usually strategy games drive me crazy because they require too much thinking.
Sunday, I went to 9:00 Sacrament meeting while everyone else was home and James at his normal morning meetings. They all went to church at 1:00 while I hung out with Lewis. We both ended up taking naps in the chair. I usually fall asleep at night in that chair too, when I'm trying to get Lewis to bed. I'm often asleep by 9:45 or so, but I can't say I'm terribly sleep-deprived. I could just use a cat nap here and there. The rest of the evening was spent talking to families and eating a yummy dinner and dessert.
Monday, everyone left to go home and there was no school, so we spent the day cleaning and relaxing, a pretty typical holiday around here.
Tuesday through today have been about the same. I've been keeping up with the housework while feeding Lewis what feels like constantly. It's worth it have a kid who sleeps so well at night. He goes to be between 9:30 and 10 and wakes 1-2x during the night, then wakes up for the morning between 7:00 and 8:00...usually. One morning it was 6:00.
Last night was a terrible night for me, but nothing to do with Lewis. I had fed him at 3 a.m. but couldn't get back to sleep. At 4 a.m., I got some terrible afterbirth pains. I had to take both ibuprofen and Percoset and get in a warm bath. It took till 5:30 to get back to sleep. I had pains like that after Kenny - weird, random pain in the middle of the night after a week of no pain at all. It's like all my insides shrinking are having some trouble. Thankfully I feel fine now.
We're getting a lot of snow. I don't care, because I know it's going to melt soon. I can't wait for March to roll around soon, because that means spring and my birthday, and then our quarantine is over.
Thursday, February 16, 2017
Week 2
Week 2 with a newborn is always a thousand times better than the first week. This time around was no exception. The first few nights home, Lewis did not sleep well, but he soon figured out night and day and has been doing exceptionally well. Typically, he eats a lot while he is awake (about 2 hours, during which he often eats twice), but then he takes really long naps. Usually he does 3 naps that are 2-3 hours each. The only thing I've done to manipulate his schedule is wake him up around 8 p.m. and keep him awake until 10 p.m. Then, he usually wakes up 2x during the night and is up the next morning around 7 or 8. Last night, he actually only woke up once (around 3:30), so I've been getting really good sleep. The only thing that has really been interrupting it is my random hormonal sweating that is thankfully almost gone.
I have been a lot less emotional this week as well, thank goodness. I have my moments where I cry, but I don't feel like I can't stop. I have been doing some cooking again and some basic cleaning, but nothing too intense. I even went grocery shopping, and it wasn't bad. I do get occasional aches, but nothing that requires medicine. I look okay in my regular shirts and can wear some of my pants (the baggy ones). I don't feel too bad considering what I went through 2 weeks ago.
Everyone is adjusting well to our new little family member. The kids all adore him, and there has been no sign on jealousy. I will be really glad when we can all go out together (at the end of RSV season, which is at the end of March.) I might go a little crazy, especially on Sundays when it's hard to coordinate going to different church meetings when James already has meetings in the mornings. I know it will work out, though, and this is just temporary and necessary for Lewis's good health.
James's mom and brother are visiting. They arrived yesterday and are staying until Monday (I think). It has been really good to have more emotional support and help with the cooking and cleaning. It's not that I can't get it done, I just don't get things done as quickly as I did since I have more interruptions for feedings and such. If anything, my days have gotten longer since I no longer nap - and neither does Katie. That was pretty upsetting for the first few days, but I've since learned to roll with it and hang out with Katie and Kenny more while Lewis takes his afternoon nap. They are pretty entertaining to talk to and are even starting to get along better.
I am certain that I'm going to make it. A week ago, I wasn't so sure. I'm glad that things always get better, even though it takes some time.
I have been a lot less emotional this week as well, thank goodness. I have my moments where I cry, but I don't feel like I can't stop. I have been doing some cooking again and some basic cleaning, but nothing too intense. I even went grocery shopping, and it wasn't bad. I do get occasional aches, but nothing that requires medicine. I look okay in my regular shirts and can wear some of my pants (the baggy ones). I don't feel too bad considering what I went through 2 weeks ago.
Everyone is adjusting well to our new little family member. The kids all adore him, and there has been no sign on jealousy. I will be really glad when we can all go out together (at the end of RSV season, which is at the end of March.) I might go a little crazy, especially on Sundays when it's hard to coordinate going to different church meetings when James already has meetings in the mornings. I know it will work out, though, and this is just temporary and necessary for Lewis's good health.
James's mom and brother are visiting. They arrived yesterday and are staying until Monday (I think). It has been really good to have more emotional support and help with the cooking and cleaning. It's not that I can't get it done, I just don't get things done as quickly as I did since I have more interruptions for feedings and such. If anything, my days have gotten longer since I no longer nap - and neither does Katie. That was pretty upsetting for the first few days, but I've since learned to roll with it and hang out with Katie and Kenny more while Lewis takes his afternoon nap. They are pretty entertaining to talk to and are even starting to get along better.
I am certain that I'm going to make it. A week ago, I wasn't so sure. I'm glad that things always get better, even though it takes some time.
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
Lewis Wade Head
It was a pretty exciting week, to say the least. Warning: this post will be very long.
Sunday and Monday passed pretty normally. I was officially due Sunday, but nothing happening, so I went to church. Tuesday, I woke up with painful contractions, so James stayed home from school. I really thought it was the real thing, but it wasn't. Despite walking a lot, they tapered off by evening. Mom and Myles arrived that day, so we just hung out.
Wednesday at my doctor's appointment, I got my membranes stripped. Long story short, that didn't work either. I went in Thursday morning to get induced, something I thought I'd never do, but I actually felt pretty peaceful about it. I got a pretty good night of sleep, and we headed to the hospital at 7 a.m. for my induction. I was having contractions, but they were still just 10 minutes apart and not progressing at all. My induction felt a lot like my other labors, because they have all required Pitocin anyway to help speed them along. Everything went pretty well until I got to 7 cm. The baby's heart rate kept dropping and taking a long time to recover. They actually turned the Pitocin off by this point because the contractions were strong enough. They also put some internal monitors on the baby to make sure he was really okay. It was pretty clear that he was distressed by the contractions.
At 9 cm, I signed a consent form for a possible C-section and they got the OR ready. A few minutes later I was at 10 cm, so I ended up delivering in the OR. I had to get unhooked from the epidural at this point to transfer rooms, and they couldn't hook it back up because it was no longer sterile. Needless to say, I had a pretty horrible time with pushing. The dr. used several vacuums to assist, because the baby really needed to come out quickly. His head was turned a little the side, which explained why he wasn't coming out easily. After about half an hour (I was in too much pain to really know), Lewis was finally born at 10:04 p.m. Once his head was out, his whole body came with it. I'm just glad he didn't end up on the floor. He was 7 lbs. 7 oz. and 20 1/2 inches long.
I started shaking uncontrollably at this point. The OR was freezing, and I had literally been 1 cm from a C-section, and the pain was so great I just wanted to quit and get knocked out. I'm glad I made it, though.
Lewis was a little pale and not quite as responsive as they would have liked, so they whisked him away to the nursery (which is also the NICU, but I didn't know that till a few days later) to be hooked up to oxygen and a couple other things, but I'm not sure what. I was too out of it. Despite the difficult delivery, I didn't feel too terrible after some sleep and a few meals - and a shower. I also didn't tear, but I have no idea how that's even possible.
Friday, I felt a lot better physically, but not so much emotionally. Lewis made huge improvements and was off everything except oxygen. I was finally able to nurse him for the first time around noon. (Delaying made me more emotional, but it did not affect his ability to learn to nurse, in case anyone was worried about that.) My family came to visit around lunch and see him through the window. Children under 13 weren't allowed back at all because of RSV season. I kept on feeding him every few hours morning and night, and he did really well.
Saturday was mostly the same (feeding, family visit, and some paperwork and lots of rest). I got officially discharged but decided to stay put so I could be available for feedings. Saturday night and all of Sunday were the most emotional time because of my milk coming in and not being able to go home with Lewis. I went home for a little bit on Sunday to see the kids before church, but it was heartbreaking to be there without my baby. James was good to stay with me every single night on that uncomfortable couch-bed.
Monday morning, I finally got to keep Lewis in the room with me! He was off oxygen and just had one monitor on his foot. That one monitor was pretty stressful, though. It kept beeping every few minutes, and my first thought was, "My baby is dying!" every time. I returned him to the nursery for night time so I could sleep. I ended up feeding him 4x, so not much sleep happened, but that didn't matter.
Tuesday, we finally got to come home! It was so wonderful to have a baby with no monitors attached and to eat real food, take a nap in my own bed, and have everyone finally get to hold him. I've been playing catch up today with paperwork and bills, but not too much cleaning yet. I've been recovering really well and don't need pain meds anymore. Lewis is completely healthy, eating and sleeping and pooping all the time. He is seldom awake, but when he is, he is very calm and alert.
One of the nurses said she would have sent us home Saturday or Sunday, so that really didn't help the experience. It seemed that they were very strict on what he had to do to break out of the NICU - like stay warm, gain weight, etc. which shouldn't be a problem for any full term baby. He didn't have any problems with those things at all. He is already heavier than his birth weight, and he not even a week old.
How I survived, really: Mom and Myles taking care of the kids, James being able to stay with me night and day, and spending lots of time in the nursery/NICU talking to the nurses. That's not to mention many prayers and several blessings to be able to cope with everything. It was impossible to stay alone during this trial. I'm really glad he got good care, and I know I did the right thing in having him, but it certainly doesn't make me excited to have another baby any time soon. I have already forgotten a lot of the physical pain because my recovery has been pretty quick, but I know the emotional pain will linger longer. I know that many women have much worse experiences than I do, but this was definitely my worst birth story. Despite all that, the fact that I can write this story without sobbing (still a few tears, but not too many) shows how powerful that Atonement is when it comes to healing. I'm grateful to have this little boy. I am sad for my friends who have experienced outcomes that were not as favorable as mine.
Sunday and Monday passed pretty normally. I was officially due Sunday, but nothing happening, so I went to church. Tuesday, I woke up with painful contractions, so James stayed home from school. I really thought it was the real thing, but it wasn't. Despite walking a lot, they tapered off by evening. Mom and Myles arrived that day, so we just hung out.
Wednesday at my doctor's appointment, I got my membranes stripped. Long story short, that didn't work either. I went in Thursday morning to get induced, something I thought I'd never do, but I actually felt pretty peaceful about it. I got a pretty good night of sleep, and we headed to the hospital at 7 a.m. for my induction. I was having contractions, but they were still just 10 minutes apart and not progressing at all. My induction felt a lot like my other labors, because they have all required Pitocin anyway to help speed them along. Everything went pretty well until I got to 7 cm. The baby's heart rate kept dropping and taking a long time to recover. They actually turned the Pitocin off by this point because the contractions were strong enough. They also put some internal monitors on the baby to make sure he was really okay. It was pretty clear that he was distressed by the contractions.
At 9 cm, I signed a consent form for a possible C-section and they got the OR ready. A few minutes later I was at 10 cm, so I ended up delivering in the OR. I had to get unhooked from the epidural at this point to transfer rooms, and they couldn't hook it back up because it was no longer sterile. Needless to say, I had a pretty horrible time with pushing. The dr. used several vacuums to assist, because the baby really needed to come out quickly. His head was turned a little the side, which explained why he wasn't coming out easily. After about half an hour (I was in too much pain to really know), Lewis was finally born at 10:04 p.m. Once his head was out, his whole body came with it. I'm just glad he didn't end up on the floor. He was 7 lbs. 7 oz. and 20 1/2 inches long.
I started shaking uncontrollably at this point. The OR was freezing, and I had literally been 1 cm from a C-section, and the pain was so great I just wanted to quit and get knocked out. I'm glad I made it, though.
Lewis was a little pale and not quite as responsive as they would have liked, so they whisked him away to the nursery (which is also the NICU, but I didn't know that till a few days later) to be hooked up to oxygen and a couple other things, but I'm not sure what. I was too out of it. Despite the difficult delivery, I didn't feel too terrible after some sleep and a few meals - and a shower. I also didn't tear, but I have no idea how that's even possible.
Friday, I felt a lot better physically, but not so much emotionally. Lewis made huge improvements and was off everything except oxygen. I was finally able to nurse him for the first time around noon. (Delaying made me more emotional, but it did not affect his ability to learn to nurse, in case anyone was worried about that.) My family came to visit around lunch and see him through the window. Children under 13 weren't allowed back at all because of RSV season. I kept on feeding him every few hours morning and night, and he did really well.
Saturday was mostly the same (feeding, family visit, and some paperwork and lots of rest). I got officially discharged but decided to stay put so I could be available for feedings. Saturday night and all of Sunday were the most emotional time because of my milk coming in and not being able to go home with Lewis. I went home for a little bit on Sunday to see the kids before church, but it was heartbreaking to be there without my baby. James was good to stay with me every single night on that uncomfortable couch-bed.
Monday morning, I finally got to keep Lewis in the room with me! He was off oxygen and just had one monitor on his foot. That one monitor was pretty stressful, though. It kept beeping every few minutes, and my first thought was, "My baby is dying!" every time. I returned him to the nursery for night time so I could sleep. I ended up feeding him 4x, so not much sleep happened, but that didn't matter.
Tuesday, we finally got to come home! It was so wonderful to have a baby with no monitors attached and to eat real food, take a nap in my own bed, and have everyone finally get to hold him. I've been playing catch up today with paperwork and bills, but not too much cleaning yet. I've been recovering really well and don't need pain meds anymore. Lewis is completely healthy, eating and sleeping and pooping all the time. He is seldom awake, but when he is, he is very calm and alert.
One of the nurses said she would have sent us home Saturday or Sunday, so that really didn't help the experience. It seemed that they were very strict on what he had to do to break out of the NICU - like stay warm, gain weight, etc. which shouldn't be a problem for any full term baby. He didn't have any problems with those things at all. He is already heavier than his birth weight, and he not even a week old.
How I survived, really: Mom and Myles taking care of the kids, James being able to stay with me night and day, and spending lots of time in the nursery/NICU talking to the nurses. That's not to mention many prayers and several blessings to be able to cope with everything. It was impossible to stay alone during this trial. I'm really glad he got good care, and I know I did the right thing in having him, but it certainly doesn't make me excited to have another baby any time soon. I have already forgotten a lot of the physical pain because my recovery has been pretty quick, but I know the emotional pain will linger longer. I know that many women have much worse experiences than I do, but this was definitely my worst birth story. Despite all that, the fact that I can write this story without sobbing (still a few tears, but not too many) shows how powerful that Atonement is when it comes to healing. I'm grateful to have this little boy. I am sad for my friends who have experienced outcomes that were not as favorable as mine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)