Peace With Controversy

I used to read a couple of "natural living" type blogs. They were fun and exciting, and they presented different ideas about things I'd never thought of. I learned a few alternate ways of looking at nutrition, pregnancy, general health, and taking care of my kids. I felt good about expanding my mind, but after a while, I started to feel guilty about all the things I don't do.

It's true: there are people who are extreme about health issues who do live better-quality lives because of all the things they do. I admire them for being pioneers in getting others healthy. I have taken many steps toward better health in order to take care of my family, but I've come to realize why I did those things.

It has nothing to do with anyone else's life or family. It has to do with my own family and personal revelation. I resent making choices just because someone told me I should. I can't say I've never made a choice because of peer pressure. I think we all have. It just isn't the right reason to do something.

My family isn't the same as the families on the blogs I used to read, but that's okay. God knows my family perfectly, and as the mom, I'm primarily in charge of everyone's health and well-being. I still feel guilty sometimes...what if we were better off eating organic food? (a total joke to find in Vernal, by the way) What if I made a big mistake because I vaccinated my kids by a traditional schedule? What if I'm too fat, and I've been doing everything all wrong my whole life?

I can't rely on blogs to put my mind at ease. According to others, I am always doing the wrong thing. I should be doing more for my kids. I should be working out. I should weigh 20 lbs. less. I should have a more beautifully decorated home. I could go on for a long time.

Too often, I have felt guilty about having to change something. If I lower my standards of what I should "get done", then I've failed. If I'm not doing as much as so-and-so, I've failed.

No, I haven't.

What I feel that I should do for my family won't completely make sense to anyone else. It's my family. This blog gives only a glimpse into our lives. I don't mean to say that we're hiding lots of secrets, only that it's too complex to describe the logic and spiritual reasoning behind everything we do.

Sometimes I do less, and sometimes I do more. Less doesn't mean I'm unhappy or lazy. More doesn't mean I'm happier or better than anyone else.

I'm happy to be learning every day how to actually use personal revelation. I don't read controversial blogs anymore. They don't apply to me. If I ever feel prompted to know more about those issues, then I'll seek them out.

We are a happy, healthy family, just not the same family as any other. I'm grateful to be the mama in charge or running the home while dada is away. It's my dream job. I'm not the best mom in the world, nor the smartest, cleanest, or most productive. (I hate cleaning windows and hardly touch them!) That's okay, because I'm THE mom for these two boys, and I love them to death.