Weakness

I've been thinking a lot about Ether 12:27 this week. I used to think that my character flaws, if I had enough faith and tried hard to change, would magically disappear or become easy to handle. It's been almost 27 years now, and I'm not so sure about that any more.

Ether declares that God gives us "weakness" rather than "weaknesses" as it is often interpreted. Weakness is simply an overall state of being weak, not meaning any particular character flaw or undesirable trait. Am I weak? Certainly. I don't feel that there is any character trait that is a strength to me at all times. Some of my other traits seem like flaws most of the time when in reality they could be used as strengths if I didn't fight against them so much to try to be like someone else.

How I view my character traits is my own choice. The very words I use to describe my character traits is also a choice that reflects how I feel about them. For too long, I have waited for other people to validate me. Not even God can do that if I'm not willing to have faith in myself.

I choose to cast aside all those negative thoughts that for years have brought me down. I have my days where I feel tempted to degrade myself for just being me. Trying to work against my nature only makes me unhappy. I don't mean that I should do whatever I want out of selfishness. I can work with my perceived weaknesses in a way that makes them my strengths. Only God would know how to do such a thing, because I lack understanding of how to change myself for the better unless I seek guidance from Him.

My view of myself is already changing. I no longer look in the mirror every day and see a woman who should lose weight, wear a smaller size, wear makeup since everyone else does, do my hair differently, paint my nails, stop being so impatient, be more outspoken, stop caring about having a clean house since it never stays that way...

I see a happy person with growing confidence. I'm working with those things I haven't liked in the past to become a better person. My impatience tells me I'll never get there, but then I remember that happiness is right now, not some future point when I've magically become perfect. Thank goodness for that.