Phases

My life has lots of ups and downs, just like anyone else's. Mommy-wise, last week (and really, the week before) was a definite low(er) point for me. Now that it's over (for a while, I hope), I can reflect on the difficulties I had.

Joseph has become very obstinate when it comes to naps. He doesn't want to take them, but I know that he needs them still! He has been reminding me, "Mommy, I not to go to bed!" about 10 times a day. When it comes time for his bed/nap routine, he drags his feet the entire time. For a solid week, he absolutely refused to nap. He would stay in his room for 2 hours just talking and singing to himself, happy as can be, but awake. Everything would go fine until about 5 o'clock when he'd have a tantrum about something minor which would drag on while I was making dinner. Any time that Joseph has a tantrum, Kenny joins in. I thought I was going to pull my hair out. I said many prayers that I wouldn't lose my temper (too much) and that I would be able to pull through.

Through the tough times, it's hard not to think of them as punishment. I must be doing something wrong if so many things go badly. My confidence falters when my children act out, I botch a craft, or ruin a dinner. It's as if I forget about all my successes, all because of one failure. I forget that my failures do not define me. Even if I were to fail most of the time, that doesn't matter, because I'm still trying to do all the right things. I will get it right eventually as long as I don't wring my hands and give up. Having an attitude of giving up has never gotten me anywhere.

Patience is a life lesson that I don't want. I never have, but I haven't learned my lesson yet, so experiences like this are far from over. They do help me appreciate the good things about my kids, like the fact they once they're asleep, they sleep all night (11 hours) and have been since 7-8 months old. They are usually both very happy, healthy children. The moments when they aren't probably make up 5% of the time I spend with them, but moments of whining, crying, tantrums, etc. make for some very long days.

Being a mom is hard. Even though I went into this job with experience, sort of, nothing about having 8 younger siblings could ever prepare me for everything that I face now. It's not a bad thing that I don't know everything; it's just hard for me to admit sometimes. I suppose that's the whole point of the experience. Each child is a new challenge and blessing that I have to figure out and re-figure out every day.

My children are helping me become the person that God wants me to be. Right now, I'm still a shadow of that perfected being, but I'm glad that I know how to get there. One day.

Miracles

Last year was tough financially. I don't fully remember the pain of trials we went through then, because our situation has stabilized and the future doesn't look scarily uncertain anymore. I'm much more comfortable with the way life is going than I was last July and August. I felt that it just wasn't fair. We had avoided debt up until 2012, and suddenly we had 3 loans. We didn't even qualify to take out the other 2 (besides a student loan) without having co-signers, due to our lack of credit history. I felt that we would never see those loans paid off, because X looked like a huge amount of money. James started his job, so we started saving immediately and slowly making payments on all 3 loans. I resigned myself to being in debt for at least another 5 years, not knowing how we'll ever buy a house, get another car, or build up a substantial savings. A teacher's salary is plenty for us, but we aren't going to be millionaires.

Kenny miraculously took a long nap yesterday afternoon, which allowed me to completely do our taxes. I wasn't expecting much, but to my surprise, we got a very good refund. This refund is worth X-3. Yes, just 3 dollars short of those 2 loans. Since we've already paid on them, they are no longer worth X, so we have enough to buy a new computer, something we really need. (The laptop is falling apart at the seams and 3 1/2 years old!)

I'm still in shock that such a wonderful thing could happen. If we can keep up a "debt snowball", we could be out of debt by next year, easily! By paying off the ones we have, we will establish good credit, something we still wouldn't have by now. A house could be in our near future, and that makes me very excited. The Lord was watching out for us this whole time. Instead of handing us X amount of money, he helped us grow through the tough times, then gave it all back this year so we can continue on with our lives. I will never forget this experience, and it's definitely one that I will share with my children as soon as they will understand. Pay your tithing! It really works. :)

Just Me

Like most other human beings, I spent years trying to figure out who "I" am. I don't mean who I am in the eternal sense. I know that I am a child of God. My parents taught me that long ago, and it has stuck with me.

Regarding missionary work, I counseled a woman I visit teach, "Just be yourself." Since uttering that, I have wondered over the last 24 hours if I really know who my "self" is. I have decided, happily, that YES! I know who "Sacha" is. Gone are the days that I tried to change myself to please others. I won't pretend to like or hate something just to make someone else happy. I like or dislike things because they make me happy. "Men are that they might have joy", so why would I ever try to go against that? I exist so that I might find joy for myself. My joy depends on me being true to myself, not to anyone else. It is ultimately up to me whether I'm happy or not, and when I feel miserable, it's my own fault, no one else's.

I find balance between blending in and standing out. Some people may want only one or the other, but I want both. I want to belong while still contributing my own "self" to the group, and I do. I rejoice in both my differences and my similarities with others.

I'm happy to be Sacha.

I am left-handed.

I am a Southern girl.

I'm a nerd/geek/what-have-you about many things, especially food. I'm constantly adding to that list of "things".

I love to create.

I love genealogy. I'm proud to have 2 ginormous pedigree charts on my office wall.

I fail a lot at things I try, but that doesn't make me a failure. I tried to like pickles and country music on more than one occasion, but I still don't. That doesn't make me a failure, does it? :)

I'm too bossy sometimes.

My hair is neither brown nor blonde.

Sometimes I talk too much and sometimes not enough.

I love to write poetry, though most of it turns out cheesy.

I am Sacha, and that will never change.

ZERO

I thought I'd never live in a place colder than Rexburg.

I was wrong.

Vernal has been colder than Rexburg almost all winter. Luckily, we don't have wind! My dad likes to follow the weather. Instead of comparing Vernal to Rexburg, he's been comparing it to Barrow, AK, and we've been colder than them some days. Ouch.

I dream of living in the South again. I will always be a Southern girl at heart. For now, I will keep the heat running (though not too hot, because I'm still a cheapskate with electric bills, and electric heat doesn't run cheap) and buy my grits off the very top shelf at the grocery store. I still dream about owning a house with a wraparound porch and a yard with weeping willows and wisteria.

On another note, my sister Mara just got accepted to BYU-I! I had no idea that I'd be starting a family trend (really, just following in Mom's footsteps). Mara will be the 4th Phenix to go there. What can I say? It's the best school ever, and I made the right choice when I picked it over BYU 6 years ago.

Fashion & the Mom Body

Does anyone every buy something cute, take it home, wear it once, and then decide it wasn't so cute after all? That seems to happen to me for about 1 in 3 shirts. If the shirt was from D.I. (most are), I don't feel too horrible about getting rid of it after a year or so of suffering through wearing it. By get rid of, I usually mean give back to D.I. if it's still in good condition. If not, it gets turned into yarn. If it's more expensive (well, new, which usually means a gift), I can't bring myself to just get rid of it only for not liking it anymore.

I'm not an expert seamstress. Really, I'm not. I have no idea how to mess with patterns. I make things up as I go, poke myself with pins way too often, and still want to give up every time my machine starts acting up. Certain problems still baffle me. But enough with that.

Pinterest is the king (queen?) of craft ideas, especially when it comes to repurposing. Now, I don't ever go out and buy things to repurpose on purpose. (Haha.) I doubt I ever will after today, because it's REALLY hard to change the original design of clothing, unless you're simply making it shorter or removing something from it.

Because of my blurry camera, you can't see all my mistakes. I'm sharing these just to show that you don't have to give up on things that almost fit. If it's just a crummy old T-shirt, why not take a chance and try to change it? There are lots of ideas out there, so why not?

I HATED these sleeves. They make my "man shoulders" stand out.

No more sleeves! I end up wearing 2 shirts 90% of the time.
It's all the immodest stuff that looks good on me. Go figure.

Weird neckline.

Non-weird neckline. I had to do this by hand and improvise to get rid of a few weird puckers.
This is a knit with big enough stitches so I couldn't use the machine.

This T-shirt was given to me along with the pants.
It made me look short and fat.

It turned out a bit tighter than I wanted, but I don't look fat anymore!
There is a weird pucker under my armpit. Oh well.
P.S. Those are Ecuadorian pants, but not actually PJ's as they appear to be.

I need things that look good on me, because I am a little self conscious of how I look when I'm nursing. A few hours of sewing while James had a long day at work did the trick. All my shirts now fit me well, and I know that tailoring is not the job for me! I can certainly appreciate those who do it for a living, though. :)

Little Sickies

Yup, my kids are sick this week, along with the rest of the world. Joseph is great kid, even when sick. Kenny, not so much. He's been whiny to the point of extreme aggravation for me, and I may have said a few things (under my breath) that I now regret. Life happens. They are both on the mend, and I suspect that by Sunday they will be different people.

Kenny had his checkup for 9 mos. He's still tiny, but his weight percentile went up a few points, which impressed the doctor. Stats: 16 lbs. 5 oz. (4th percentile, up from the 2nd) and 27.5 inches long (20th percentile). I love that little peanut. I'm not surprised that he went up in percentile points because he's been eating like a pig! That boy can eat a whole banana after his morning feeding and often eats as much as Joseph. I suppose it's the constant motion that burns it all off.

I guess I've been lucky, because I haven't gotten sick. Actually, the last real illness I had was in 2011! I had 2 or 3 times in 2012 where I thought I was going to get sick, but I didn't! A whole year without a cold is pretty awesome. I hope that trend continues. The worst I got was a slightly scratchy throat, but it went away before ever getting sore. Joseph was also a lot healthier in 2012. He only had 1 real cold. In 2011, I think he had 7-8. Yes, he is older, but the average 2-year-old definitely gets more than 1 cold a year, no matter how seldom/often they're around other kids. Hurray!

It's James's birthday this weekend, and he will be a quarter of a century old. We have some great food planned. :) I can't wait.

2012 in a Rather Large Nutshell

This is long, I know. If you want a summary of our whole year, then read on. If you've read everything I've written before, you don't have to.

Happy 2013!

We started 2012 living in Nampa, ID, located near Boise. It was a warm, mild winter, something we weren’t expecting. It only snowed twice, and the snow never stuck! We loved the Boise area and had many adventures walking the greenbelts, going to the zoo, touring museums, shooting at Pickle Butte, going to Cabela’s and the mall, and eating at great restaurants. The big Chinese buffet was our favorite. Nampa and Boise also have wonderful parks and thrift stores. We visited them often and got some really great finds.

James did his student teaching at Skyview High School in Nampa from January to April. He taught both history and biology classes. He officially graduated from BYU – Idaho in April.

We loved our ward in Nampa. We were both given callings to teach the 16-18 year old Sunday School class. The calling really intimidated me, but James felt right at home.

On April 5th, we welcomed a new son into our family. Kenneth James Head weighed 7 lbs. 8 oz. and was 21.5 inches long. I loved my doctor and actually looked forward to seeing her at appointments. I’ll never have another OB like her. The only horrible part of the whole experience was having a baby 3 days late. Mom was still in town, luckily.

After student teaching, James did several jobs for the Nampa School District, including subbing and security at night school. It was a tough schedule for us to get used to. Both jobs lasted through the end of May when school got out. James looked diligently for other employment, but he was unable to find anything. He did some volunteer work at the Old Penitentiary in Boise. We were left with our meager savings and loans from June until the end of September when James received his first check as a teacher. During this time, we relied on the Lord even more than usual. We lived off of food storage for 6 weeks, which turned out to be a wonderful learning experience. I wrote a whole blog about the experiences we had so others in our situation can benefit.

Brinson visited us in May, and we had fun showing him the Boise area (including Big Jud’s). The Heads also visited us in May, and they celebrated Joseph’s 2nd birthday with us. James received many rejections and finally a job offer in Vernal, UT, teaching 8th grade history. We drove to check out Vernal and see what we were getting ourselves into, and he accepted the job.

We celebrated our 3rd anniversary on July 3rd with a nice dinner. On the 4th of July, we took our boys to the parade. Nampa’s summer temperatures can only be described as miserably hot, but our complex had a pool that we used often. Joseph loves swimming.

We attended two family reunions, one for the Heads and one for the Lees. The Head reunion was held in Ashton, ID, and the Lee reunion in Rigby and surrounding areas. Both were lots of fun. It was especially good to see the extended Lee family, because they live far and wide across the country.

We moved to Vernal in mid-August after months of searching for cheap housing. We soon fell in love with the area. The Heads visited us in October, so we showed them many of the sights: the dinosaur museum, the quarry, and petroglyphs. We love the small-town feel, our ward, and the brand new library and rec center. We use both of them often. Our ward didn’t waste any time giving us callings. I play the piano in Relief Society, and James is the 2nd counselor in the Elder’s Quorum.

We visited the Heads, also in October, and had a chance to see Bear World. We visited again in November for Thanksgiving week.

In December, we took a trip to Salt Lake to see Emily Larsen’s wedding to Rodolfo in the Salt Lake Temple. The trip also included a great dinner at Tucano’s, Temple Square lights, a ride on a train for Joseph, and a trip to the Church History Museum and Ikea.

We spent a wonderful week in North Carolina for Christmas and also had a chance to see my grandparents, Ed and Rita Schillemat, who drove from NH. The week was filled with family dinners, too much chocolate, sleeping in, and all the lazy things that make up a great vacation.

Our little boys have grown fast. Kenneth is now 9 months old, can say “mama” and “dada”, feed himself, and is trying really hard to starting scooting. Joseph speaks like a little adult, and he is a great source of entertainment. Both boys are fiercely independent, but Kenny is definitely still a mama’s boy. They’re both just as cute as can be.

As 2012 drew to a close, I reflected on the great changes that took place for our family. Looking back on past challenges makes me breathe a sigh of relief now! James has a great schedule: no working nights or weekends unless he wants to! He gets paid on a regular basis for the first time since we’ve ever been married, school is over, and we didn’t move at Christmas for the first time in 4 Christmases. We have much to be grateful for, and I suspect that the stability of our situation will make 2013 the best year yet.