It's been a good two weeks. I think that's how long it's been since I wrote last. The kids are all well except for Katie's lower molars coming in. She has her days where she's grumpy and miserable, but then she's fine. They should be in within a week, I hope. She has a constantly runny nose because of it.
James's sister Anna came to visit from SLC. (She attends LDSBC). We had a good time just hanging out and going to the Valentine's party with the ward. I made a huge mistake by eating the food, though. Everything had lots of cheese in it, so I felt absolutely awful and spent a lot of time in the bathroom during the weekend. Anna brought my favorite ice cream, which I also ate, so that didn't help. Yes, world, I am lactose intolerant, and it's never going away! Haha. I'm actually not sad about it. It was a little sad at first, but giving up dairy products helped me expand my cooking horizons to a lot of healthier dishes. It's been over a year now since I quit eating it, minus the occasional slip-up or social occasion.
As much as I love healthy food, I don't love exercising. I've never gotten the "high" that people describe despite all my efforts to use a variety of routines/methods/whatever. I do feel "good" afterward, but not good enough to crave exercise. Oh well. I'll never be a star athlete.
I have finally realized this year that my efforts to take care of myself are enough. Though I wish I could lose 10 lbs., I have maintained this same weight for a long time now (9 months) without any real effort. It's the exact size I was after having Kenny, and that's okay. Things aren't the same as they used to be, and I'm absolutely positive that my hormones have shifted somewhat since I had kids. I have no real reason to complain, because my clothes still fit well, and losing weight wouldn't change my clothing size. I've decided to stop fretting about it and be at peace. I don't have to be crazy perfect because I am feeling good about myself and following all the counsel of the Word of Wisdom. God will take care of the rest.
It can be hard to find peace in the world, but I know I can always find it in the Gospel. I'm grateful for that every day.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Weakness
I've been thinking a lot about Ether 12:27 this week. I used to think that my character flaws, if I had enough faith and tried hard to change, would magically disappear or become easy to handle. It's been almost 27 years now, and I'm not so sure about that any more.
Ether declares that God gives us "weakness" rather than "weaknesses" as it is often interpreted. Weakness is simply an overall state of being weak, not meaning any particular character flaw or undesirable trait. Am I weak? Certainly. I don't feel that there is any character trait that is a strength to me at all times. Some of my other traits seem like flaws most of the time when in reality they could be used as strengths if I didn't fight against them so much to try to be like someone else.
How I view my character traits is my own choice. The very words I use to describe my character traits is also a choice that reflects how I feel about them. For too long, I have waited for other people to validate me. Not even God can do that if I'm not willing to have faith in myself.
I choose to cast aside all those negative thoughts that for years have brought me down. I have my days where I feel tempted to degrade myself for just being me. Trying to work against my nature only makes me unhappy. I don't mean that I should do whatever I want out of selfishness. I can work with my perceived weaknesses in a way that makes them my strengths. Only God would know how to do such a thing, because I lack understanding of how to change myself for the better unless I seek guidance from Him.
My view of myself is already changing. I no longer look in the mirror every day and see a woman who should lose weight, wear a smaller size, wear makeup since everyone else does, do my hair differently, paint my nails, stop being so impatient, be more outspoken, stop caring about having a clean house since it never stays that way...
I see a happy person with growing confidence. I'm working with those things I haven't liked in the past to become a better person. My impatience tells me I'll never get there, but then I remember that happiness is right now, not some future point when I've magically become perfect. Thank goodness for that.
Ether declares that God gives us "weakness" rather than "weaknesses" as it is often interpreted. Weakness is simply an overall state of being weak, not meaning any particular character flaw or undesirable trait. Am I weak? Certainly. I don't feel that there is any character trait that is a strength to me at all times. Some of my other traits seem like flaws most of the time when in reality they could be used as strengths if I didn't fight against them so much to try to be like someone else.
How I view my character traits is my own choice. The very words I use to describe my character traits is also a choice that reflects how I feel about them. For too long, I have waited for other people to validate me. Not even God can do that if I'm not willing to have faith in myself.
I choose to cast aside all those negative thoughts that for years have brought me down. I have my days where I feel tempted to degrade myself for just being me. Trying to work against my nature only makes me unhappy. I don't mean that I should do whatever I want out of selfishness. I can work with my perceived weaknesses in a way that makes them my strengths. Only God would know how to do such a thing, because I lack understanding of how to change myself for the better unless I seek guidance from Him.
My view of myself is already changing. I no longer look in the mirror every day and see a woman who should lose weight, wear a smaller size, wear makeup since everyone else does, do my hair differently, paint my nails, stop being so impatient, be more outspoken, stop caring about having a clean house since it never stays that way...
I see a happy person with growing confidence. I'm working with those things I haven't liked in the past to become a better person. My impatience tells me I'll never get there, but then I remember that happiness is right now, not some future point when I've magically become perfect. Thank goodness for that.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
January
Life as we know it is good. I don't have much to update about, because it's all pretty routine.
I have several hobbies that I really enjoy, but I never do them all at once. Right now, my main focus has been on my family history. I'm at a good point for working on it because I have 2 kids who nap for 3 hours in the afternoon and 1 who entertains himself. Since I'm a self-taught genealogist, I never paid much attention to sources before now. (Don't sue me! I was 12.) Now, I'm repenting and adding all the sources I can find (or at least the easy, suggested ones from FamilySearch). So far, I've added sources for the first 9 generations of my family tree, as well as merged duplicates, synced them to my Legacy file, and helped my family request the ordinances that need to be done. That took a huge number of hours, probably 50 total, so I watched a documentary (98 episodes!) about the Joseph Smith Papers Project as I was working.
I felt inspired to study more about Joseph Smith because of some comments from a friend who left the Church. I'm currently reading a book called Rough Stone Rolling, which is a historical view (rather than Church-endorsed, condensed view) of his life. It's absolutely fascinating. I have no doubt that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. There are many things about his life I didn't know. He certainly wasn't a perfect man, not even close, but God worked with that "rough stone" to smooth his edges and polish him into a prophet. The funny thing is that she (now an ex-Mormon) recommended this book. It will not change anyone's view of Joseph as a prophet. As a person, maybe, if you thought he was perfect.
I'm come to realize again and again that one of the most important components of believing is wanting to. If I didn't want to believe something, I'd do everything in my power to tear it down so I felt justified in not believing it. It's exactly what she did to the Church and all religion. I see it happening to another one of my friends, and it breaks my heart.
A trip to the temple helped me clear my mind of these worries. I'm grateful to have one so close so I can do the ordinances I keep finding for my ancestors! I feel a special connection to them as I pore over their names.
Life is good. Others may use their agency to abandon all that is good, but I will never!
I have several hobbies that I really enjoy, but I never do them all at once. Right now, my main focus has been on my family history. I'm at a good point for working on it because I have 2 kids who nap for 3 hours in the afternoon and 1 who entertains himself. Since I'm a self-taught genealogist, I never paid much attention to sources before now. (Don't sue me! I was 12.) Now, I'm repenting and adding all the sources I can find (or at least the easy, suggested ones from FamilySearch). So far, I've added sources for the first 9 generations of my family tree, as well as merged duplicates, synced them to my Legacy file, and helped my family request the ordinances that need to be done. That took a huge number of hours, probably 50 total, so I watched a documentary (98 episodes!) about the Joseph Smith Papers Project as I was working.
I felt inspired to study more about Joseph Smith because of some comments from a friend who left the Church. I'm currently reading a book called Rough Stone Rolling, which is a historical view (rather than Church-endorsed, condensed view) of his life. It's absolutely fascinating. I have no doubt that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. There are many things about his life I didn't know. He certainly wasn't a perfect man, not even close, but God worked with that "rough stone" to smooth his edges and polish him into a prophet. The funny thing is that she (now an ex-Mormon) recommended this book. It will not change anyone's view of Joseph as a prophet. As a person, maybe, if you thought he was perfect.
I'm come to realize again and again that one of the most important components of believing is wanting to. If I didn't want to believe something, I'd do everything in my power to tear it down so I felt justified in not believing it. It's exactly what she did to the Church and all religion. I see it happening to another one of my friends, and it breaks my heart.
A trip to the temple helped me clear my mind of these worries. I'm grateful to have one so close so I can do the ordinances I keep finding for my ancestors! I feel a special connection to them as I pore over their names.
Life is good. Others may use their agency to abandon all that is good, but I will never!
Thursday, January 8, 2015
A New Year
I am happy to say that I met my resolutions last year, so I've made some brand new ones. As hard as fall is, this part of winter is made more tolerable by the days getting longer and the stress of Christmas over. I love making goals for the new year.
I have three goals this year.
1. Never leave a kind word unspoken. This is a tough one because I worry too much about what people will think, even when I'm saying something kind and sincere. I have a tendency to brush off compliments because I don't feel I deserve them, which brings me to my second goal.
2. Be kind to myself. This includes eating well, not criticizing myself so much, and taking time to do things for myself to recharge.
3. Read to my kids. Even if it's only 5 minutes, I know it makes a difference.
A really nasty bug had both Kenny and Katie throwing up and dirtying lots of diapers all week (ever since getting back from the trip). I'm crossing my fingers that it's over. My kids have never been sick with anything like that for so long. Here's to a new week with a lot less laundry!
I have three goals this year.
1. Never leave a kind word unspoken. This is a tough one because I worry too much about what people will think, even when I'm saying something kind and sincere. I have a tendency to brush off compliments because I don't feel I deserve them, which brings me to my second goal.
2. Be kind to myself. This includes eating well, not criticizing myself so much, and taking time to do things for myself to recharge.
3. Read to my kids. Even if it's only 5 minutes, I know it makes a difference.
A really nasty bug had both Kenny and Katie throwing up and dirtying lots of diapers all week (ever since getting back from the trip). I'm crossing my fingers that it's over. My kids have never been sick with anything like that for so long. Here's to a new week with a lot less laundry!
Friday, January 2, 2015
Christmas Break
We're cursed, I think.
Katie has been completely healthy all year except for when we travel to Rexburg. In June, she got a bad ear infection. In November, it was croup. This past trip, throwing up. It's not anything horrible, but it's still really frustrating.
Last January, we had car trouble and a broken pipe. This trip, we returned to find the water in the bathtub running (which was turned off when we left), the cat shut in our room (which was open when we left) - so things were scratched up, and a dishwasher not working properly.
The trip was good but too long for me. I don't like traveling very much. It's stressful, and I come home feeling gross from indulging in junk food too much over the holidays. Still, we had a good time.
Highlights (the good ones):
Christmas morning with the Heads (and Sam and Jesse)
seeing the Head and Lee grandparents
kids sledding with Rocky pulling
caroling
a dinner/movie date with James
New Year's games and hors d'oeuvres
visiting the big D.I. and finding American Girl dolls
It's great to be home, but the stress of the unpacking/packing up Christmas/fixing the stupid dishwasher/having to go buy food has really not made today very pleasant. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I hope so!
Katie has been completely healthy all year except for when we travel to Rexburg. In June, she got a bad ear infection. In November, it was croup. This past trip, throwing up. It's not anything horrible, but it's still really frustrating.
Last January, we had car trouble and a broken pipe. This trip, we returned to find the water in the bathtub running (which was turned off when we left), the cat shut in our room (which was open when we left) - so things were scratched up, and a dishwasher not working properly.
The trip was good but too long for me. I don't like traveling very much. It's stressful, and I come home feeling gross from indulging in junk food too much over the holidays. Still, we had a good time.
Highlights (the good ones):
Christmas morning with the Heads (and Sam and Jesse)
seeing the Head and Lee grandparents
kids sledding with Rocky pulling
caroling
a dinner/movie date with James
New Year's games and hors d'oeuvres
visiting the big D.I. and finding American Girl dolls
It's great to be home, but the stress of the unpacking/packing up Christmas/fixing the stupid dishwasher/having to go buy food has really not made today very pleasant. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I hope so!
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Missionary Work
My mom and Mara came to visit over the past weekend, and it was a lot of fun. We went to breakfast with Santa with the kids on Saturday and then a Relief Society brunch. We then went to Walmart to get a few gifts for the kids and ornaments for the tree, which we had finally set up on Friday night. The kids were so excited!
Sunday, we had a big "Christmas" dinner since I won't be making one on Christmas day. We had turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, and apple pie with ice cream. It actually wasn't too back-breaking. I wish fancy dinners never had more than 3 things to put on the plate. It's a lot easier to enjoy the day when I'm not asleep or dealing with a stomachache.
Monday, we went to story time. The kids were a little cranky and didn't want to participate much. Monday night, James and I went to see a move while Mom and Mara watched the kids (and put them to bed!) I liked the move (Mockingjay) even though it was pretty depressing. Darn you, part ones. I would gladly stay 4 hours to see the whole story play out!
They left on Tuesday, so I put the house back in order. Mara officially left for Mexico on Wednesday morning. I can't believe it! I wonder if I would have served a mission if the age were 19 and not 21. It's weird to think she'll be gone for 1 1/2 years, but I don't see some of my family members for that long of a stretch anyway, so it might not seem as long as if I lived at home with her.
I don't feel like I've ever been a good missionary, but I can't measure it just by people I've been responsible for baptizing (0). I always helped my family with the yearly "Christmas Card" night - watching the Nativity movie with the neighbors and having lemonade and cookies. I did talk about the Gospel at school and work, but usually only when I was asked. I took a friend to Church for several months, but nothing ever came of that. One day, I'll know if any of it made a difference.
I love family history. I suppose you could say it's like missionary work for the dead. I found it interesting at age 12 when my grandma died and passed on her work to my dad and me. I soon took over and have since learned a lot about the ins and outs of online research. I'm amazed every day by how much it's changed over the years and how much easier it is than it was 15 years ago. Technology is absolutely amazing. I recently found more people on a line that I've been stuck on for almost 15 years. I've had too many spiritual experiences to count in my research. I don't always know what I'm doing, but more than once I've been able to follow a trail of breadcrumbs to find someone. I know they appreciate it too.
Maybe my missionary work for now isn't so much with the living. That's okay with me. It means I don't have to talk to anyone, right? :)
Sunday, we had a big "Christmas" dinner since I won't be making one on Christmas day. We had turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, and apple pie with ice cream. It actually wasn't too back-breaking. I wish fancy dinners never had more than 3 things to put on the plate. It's a lot easier to enjoy the day when I'm not asleep or dealing with a stomachache.
Monday, we went to story time. The kids were a little cranky and didn't want to participate much. Monday night, James and I went to see a move while Mom and Mara watched the kids (and put them to bed!) I liked the move (Mockingjay) even though it was pretty depressing. Darn you, part ones. I would gladly stay 4 hours to see the whole story play out!
They left on Tuesday, so I put the house back in order. Mara officially left for Mexico on Wednesday morning. I can't believe it! I wonder if I would have served a mission if the age were 19 and not 21. It's weird to think she'll be gone for 1 1/2 years, but I don't see some of my family members for that long of a stretch anyway, so it might not seem as long as if I lived at home with her.
I don't feel like I've ever been a good missionary, but I can't measure it just by people I've been responsible for baptizing (0). I always helped my family with the yearly "Christmas Card" night - watching the Nativity movie with the neighbors and having lemonade and cookies. I did talk about the Gospel at school and work, but usually only when I was asked. I took a friend to Church for several months, but nothing ever came of that. One day, I'll know if any of it made a difference.
I love family history. I suppose you could say it's like missionary work for the dead. I found it interesting at age 12 when my grandma died and passed on her work to my dad and me. I soon took over and have since learned a lot about the ins and outs of online research. I'm amazed every day by how much it's changed over the years and how much easier it is than it was 15 years ago. Technology is absolutely amazing. I recently found more people on a line that I've been stuck on for almost 15 years. I've had too many spiritual experiences to count in my research. I don't always know what I'm doing, but more than once I've been able to follow a trail of breadcrumbs to find someone. I know they appreciate it too.
Maybe my missionary work for now isn't so much with the living. That's okay with me. It means I don't have to talk to anyone, right? :)
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Thanksgiving
We had a great Thanksgiving break in Rexburg. Everything went as planned, which almost never happens. Unlike the last trip I had to pack for, this one was simple, and I finished by 10 a.m. the day before we left.
We waited to leave until Wed. to avoid any possibly icy roads. Everything was perfect. The kids slept and/or watched movies, I went to Winco for the first time in 6 months and stocked up on spices/bulk items, and we arrived by 4 p.m. I helped make a few pies - French silk and pumpkin - for the Thanksgiving feast.
Thanksgiving day was very relaxing. My brothers went with us to Grandma and Grandpa's in Victor. The food was all amazing, but I had a terrible stomachache for the rest of the day, even though I didn't eat a ton. Katie was really grumpy because of croup, so we spent a lot of the day holding her.
I went Black Friday shopping the next day. I got a pair of boots for 20 bucks which would normally be 60. They are functional, cute, and warm, which is just what I wanted. It's hard not to own at least 3 pairs of boots in this climate: one for every day, one for deep snow, and one for Church. I still need some for Church since my others are about 3 years old now.
Saturday was okay. James went to a movie with his family, so I just sat around all day and played on my phone will the kids took turns napping. My brothers came over again, so we played some games after dinner. Cranium is definitely a favorite.
Sunday we delayed going home (and to a baby blessing first) because of Katie's croup. She didn't need medicine, but she had a really runny nose (and still does). She's been happy, though, so I can't complain. We had dinner with my brothers and played more games.
We drove home on Monday (with one stop at Smith and Edwards) and got the house back in order, which included grocery shopping. I was up pretty late going through all the receipts from the trip.
I decorated our house for Christmas yesterday. Walmart didn't have any trees for some reason, so we're just using our small one, the artificial one-foot-tall one. As much as I love real trees, 35 dollars is a lot to pay for one, so we're not going to get one this year. I'm really close to considering a fake tree (bought on sale after Christmas) since we can't really cut our own and I keep talking myself out of real ones. I don't know. Either way, Christmas shopping is all done except for stocking stuffers. I've been listening to my Christmas list on Spotify, which is a pretty awesome mix, if I say so myself. :) I like having a good dose of MoTab along with traditional and pop songs. I can't begin to say how much I love using Spotify. The occasional ad is completely worth it, and it's saved me from buying a lot of songs over the past few years.
Well, that takes care of this week. I am feeling a lot happier about life than I was a week ago. Studying the scriptures for at least 20 minutes a day (which is a challenge) has really helped me focus on God's love for me. It's taken me all year, but I'm in Proverbs. I love the Old Testament, and I recommend it to everyone who has never read it all the way through.
Until next week!
And here are some sleeping beauties.
We waited to leave until Wed. to avoid any possibly icy roads. Everything was perfect. The kids slept and/or watched movies, I went to Winco for the first time in 6 months and stocked up on spices/bulk items, and we arrived by 4 p.m. I helped make a few pies - French silk and pumpkin - for the Thanksgiving feast.
Thanksgiving day was very relaxing. My brothers went with us to Grandma and Grandpa's in Victor. The food was all amazing, but I had a terrible stomachache for the rest of the day, even though I didn't eat a ton. Katie was really grumpy because of croup, so we spent a lot of the day holding her.
I went Black Friday shopping the next day. I got a pair of boots for 20 bucks which would normally be 60. They are functional, cute, and warm, which is just what I wanted. It's hard not to own at least 3 pairs of boots in this climate: one for every day, one for deep snow, and one for Church. I still need some for Church since my others are about 3 years old now.
Saturday was okay. James went to a movie with his family, so I just sat around all day and played on my phone will the kids took turns napping. My brothers came over again, so we played some games after dinner. Cranium is definitely a favorite.
Sunday we delayed going home (and to a baby blessing first) because of Katie's croup. She didn't need medicine, but she had a really runny nose (and still does). She's been happy, though, so I can't complain. We had dinner with my brothers and played more games.
We drove home on Monday (with one stop at Smith and Edwards) and got the house back in order, which included grocery shopping. I was up pretty late going through all the receipts from the trip.
I decorated our house for Christmas yesterday. Walmart didn't have any trees for some reason, so we're just using our small one, the artificial one-foot-tall one. As much as I love real trees, 35 dollars is a lot to pay for one, so we're not going to get one this year. I'm really close to considering a fake tree (bought on sale after Christmas) since we can't really cut our own and I keep talking myself out of real ones. I don't know. Either way, Christmas shopping is all done except for stocking stuffers. I've been listening to my Christmas list on Spotify, which is a pretty awesome mix, if I say so myself. :) I like having a good dose of MoTab along with traditional and pop songs. I can't begin to say how much I love using Spotify. The occasional ad is completely worth it, and it's saved me from buying a lot of songs over the past few years.
Well, that takes care of this week. I am feeling a lot happier about life than I was a week ago. Studying the scriptures for at least 20 minutes a day (which is a challenge) has really helped me focus on God's love for me. It's taken me all year, but I'm in Proverbs. I love the Old Testament, and I recommend it to everyone who has never read it all the way through.
Until next week!
And here are some sleeping beauties.
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