I feel that my life's greatest challenge is simply not knowing everything about the future. No one does, but it bugs me at times because I want to look forward 6 months and know with a surety that everything is going to be my definition of perfect.
Before I married James, I had a hard time visualizing being married to anyone. Who in their right mind would want to spend eternity with me? I get on my own nerves at times. Yet, it still happened, and I'm happier than ever with a man who got the worse end of the deal. With my being 8 months pregnant right now, he puts up with a whole lot! It's still weird to look back and see how perfectly the timing worked out with our wedding. My family had only week where they could make the 3-day drive to Idaho from NC, and James happened to propose 6 weeks before that. It was truly a miracle.
Our children so far have been perfectly timed, or so it would seem. I could say that it's been exactly as I wanted. I wanted to be a mother as soon as I could, and Joseph showed up a month before our first anniversary. He was even kind enough to be born on his due date, something that still pleases my OCD very much. :)
Kenny was born 22 months later during spring break, just by chance. Still, it was pretty convenient, even though he was 3 days late. I wouldn't have said that was perfect, but it was. Mom was still around when I came home from the hospital.
Although our boys were both born while we were poor college students, miracles and sacrifices have always helped us pay for them. Looking back, our financial situation has always defied logic in a way. I thought that a steady job would help my faith a bit, but I still waver when I try to think about all the things we'll need to pay for (or would like to) in the upcoming year. I have no idea how it will all happen.
Our little girl is due in less than 4 weeks. I do not doubt that she belongs in our family. I do wonder why the Lord wanted her here so soon at a seemingly inconvenient time. Our insurance resets in September, which means she will cost more that we originally thought. I didn't know that until recently, but it threw me for a loop since it means we probably won't be able to take advantage of the hospitals "pay up front, get 40% off" deal.
I've spent too much time complaining this time around. The heat and fatigue nearly killed me some days (or so I thought). I have a lot to be grateful for. I found out that she was a girl right during yard sale season, so I was easily able to buy everything I needed for her in a short amount of time and for not much money. My boys have been pretty understanding when I needed rest. Joseph would bring me a blanket while I lay on the couch and rested. Kenny has learned to get along better with Joseph. He walks, talks, and never cries at bedtime anymore. I thought that stage would never end, but now my little guys talk and laugh with each other before they go to sleep. They usually get along, though they do fight like brothers. I couldn't be more grateful for that.
I've always had exactly what I've needed in my life - rarely more. I don't need to have a surplus of money, energy, or time. It doesn't matter that I can't look forward and see exactly how everything will work out. That's why faith is so important. I know that I am where I'm supposed to be - home. I love my job as mom even though it drives me crazy almost daily. I can't think of a job with better rewards. It's not going to get easier with 3 instead of 2 kids, but somehow I feel less nervous than I have over the last 8 months. It's going to work out, even if I can't see it perfectly.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Yucky
The past two weeks haven't been fun. It started when Kenny got a pretty bad diaper rash that wasn't getting better after a couple of days. He was irritable, which made me snap a lot. He screamed bloody murder every time I changed his diaper, which was very often! Joseph randomly picked up a cough. He had no other symptoms of illness, no runny nose, nothing. That cough is still lingering, and it disrupts his sleep enough to make him grumpy as well. I decided to treat Kenny's rash as yeast, so it's 90% better now. The last 10% is annoying as heck to clear up. He's got a cold now, and Joseph picked up the same rash. They're on a roll this week. Before noon today, I'd changed 5 poopy diapers. What I'll do with 3 kids in diapers, I have no idea! I know it won't last forever. Neither boy is terribly ill. Their rashes are healing well, just taking a lot of time to clear up the last little bit. I can't make them get better any faster, not really, but I sure wish I could.
I'm still tired, but I know I'm just normal. Dealing with the sickness these past weeks has made me a little grouchy. It's not the diapers, really, or the coughing. It's the whining that accompanies it. James has a little bit of a cold too, but I'm hoping I stay well since I'm already pretty worn out from taking care of everyone else, not too patiently, I might add.
Some ladies in the ward have offered to throw me a baby shower in a couple of weeks. I'm pretty excited, because I know hardly anyone yet. If I'm not wrestling with Kenny, I'm trying to just stay awake during Church.
James's family is coming to visit this weekend. I'm pretty excited, because we probably won't see them again until Christmas. I feel a little bad about not wanting to travel during Thanksgiving, but I will have a one-month-old. I know that recovery gets a little more rough each time, so I need my full 6 weeks to be non-stressful. My two brothers and one sister at BYU-I will come to visit Vernal during Thanksgiving. Hosting people is much easier for me than travelling! A little extra cooking never bothers me, and I get free (and very willing) babysitters.
James and I have had a really busy week so far, and it's not over yet (even before the family visit). His trainings for school have kept him late, and I've been trying to get visiting teaching done since I'm not very good at that. One thing I always end up wondering: how many phone calls in a month is annoying to a person? I always seem to have one person who never EVER calls back. How many times is it appropriate to call and leave a voicemail? I don't want to be a pest.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
The Answers
I've had a few things on my mind besides the baby. (That in itself could be another whole post, because I've had the strangest dreams about her!)
My family's health is really important to me, as I'm sure it is for any mom. Moms are usually in charge of the cooking, so they make most of the health decisions for the family. I never thought that it would be such a big responsibility. I can cook, yes, but who's to say that what I cook is really worth the time and effort? I hadn't studied a whole lot about the quality (nutrition) of the food I make until a few years ago when Joseph was starting to eat solid foods. Something prompted me, in a way, to search for answers to this question,
"How can I feed my family foods they like while effectively balancing cost, nutrition, and time?"
I've read lots of books, some pretty nontraditional when it comes to nutrition. I've tried to make everything that I can from scratch that I don't consider to be a huge pain. For the most part, I'd say we eat "real food", which, along with the Word of Wisdom, best describes how we eat on a normal basis. I spend a lot less than the government says I should be...about 55% of their definition of "frugal". Yet still, something nags me that I could be doing better.
My husband is not normal. (Really!) Due to a chronic health issue, he deals with malabsorption. I've struggled with the thought that it may shorten his life, but also that what I feed him may have a whole lot to do with how long that life is. Since spending more money isn't really an option, I've been thinking a lot about what I can do to make the quality of food we already eat even better.
The answer was clear and simple and came to me while I was studying about food storage (for the long term, which I will be writing about on my other blog).
Sprouts.
I've been at work sprouting everything in my kitchen that has the ability. And guess what? No matter what I sprout, it increases the nutrition by a TON. I've been doing a lot of research on it, and I can't believe that it's not a more commonly explored topic. I realized that even if we can only store basic grains and beans in our long-term storage, that's okay, because sprouting them provides a wealth of vitamins and minerals that otherwise would be locked up. It also increases digestibility, a huge advantage for a person who doesn't digest well, and decreases cooking time, which is always a plus. I can't believe that the answer was staring me in the face this whole time.
My goal now is to sprout all the beans and most of the grains we eat from now on. Ever since eating some sprouts today, I've been craving more. I love healthy cravings, because it feels doubly good to give in to them. That's definitely something I can live with. ;)
My family's health is really important to me, as I'm sure it is for any mom. Moms are usually in charge of the cooking, so they make most of the health decisions for the family. I never thought that it would be such a big responsibility. I can cook, yes, but who's to say that what I cook is really worth the time and effort? I hadn't studied a whole lot about the quality (nutrition) of the food I make until a few years ago when Joseph was starting to eat solid foods. Something prompted me, in a way, to search for answers to this question,
"How can I feed my family foods they like while effectively balancing cost, nutrition, and time?"
I've read lots of books, some pretty nontraditional when it comes to nutrition. I've tried to make everything that I can from scratch that I don't consider to be a huge pain. For the most part, I'd say we eat "real food", which, along with the Word of Wisdom, best describes how we eat on a normal basis. I spend a lot less than the government says I should be...about 55% of their definition of "frugal". Yet still, something nags me that I could be doing better.
My husband is not normal. (Really!) Due to a chronic health issue, he deals with malabsorption. I've struggled with the thought that it may shorten his life, but also that what I feed him may have a whole lot to do with how long that life is. Since spending more money isn't really an option, I've been thinking a lot about what I can do to make the quality of food we already eat even better.
The answer was clear and simple and came to me while I was studying about food storage (for the long term, which I will be writing about on my other blog).
Sprouts.
I've been at work sprouting everything in my kitchen that has the ability. And guess what? No matter what I sprout, it increases the nutrition by a TON. I've been doing a lot of research on it, and I can't believe that it's not a more commonly explored topic. I realized that even if we can only store basic grains and beans in our long-term storage, that's okay, because sprouting them provides a wealth of vitamins and minerals that otherwise would be locked up. It also increases digestibility, a huge advantage for a person who doesn't digest well, and decreases cooking time, which is always a plus. I can't believe that the answer was staring me in the face this whole time.
My goal now is to sprout all the beans and most of the grains we eat from now on. Ever since eating some sprouts today, I've been craving more. I love healthy cravings, because it feels doubly good to give in to them. That's definitely something I can live with. ;)
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Hanging On
I thought my life would get a lot easier once we were settled into our house. Well, physically, I do feel a lot better. While I was working on lots of home projects, I ached...A LOT. Now that I'm back to my normal schedule, which isn't too hardcore, I don't ache except when I wake up in the morning (we have a horrible mattress!). I'm done being pregnant (not really, just frustrated). I've spent over 2 years of my life pregnant now, and the strain just doesn't get any easier! I worry about the same old things...if I'm eating well enough, my weight, balancing naps and nighttime sleep so I get enough. I had terrible insomnia with Joseph for the last two months. With Kenny and this time around, I don't, but I wake up feeling tired. Every. Single. Day. It gets old. Why sleep when it's not restful? I don't know, but I guess I'll keep trying! Newborns are always a welcome relief to me. I feel like I finally have energy, ironically, even though I'm going through healing from birth and have crazy hormones. I am not a nice person when I don't get enough sleep.
I usually am at the end of my rope by the time naptime (1:00) rolls around. I know that a lot of it is perception, but it seems like the amount of toys on the floor is overwhelming. I feel like screaming when I have to sweep (once again) to avoid stepping in gooey rice or who-knows-what since Kenny is not the meticulous eater that Joseph was (and is). It also feels like no one is listening to me when I ask them to help out. Really, I just have a heck of a lot less patience. I sat down to take a rest right before naps. Joseph, who is very perceptive, came up and asked me if I was sad. He then said, "It's okay, my mommy, I'll give you two hugs and two kisses." And then, after doing that (which made me cry), he said, "My daddy will make you happy." That, of course, made me cry more. When I put him and Kenny to bed, Joseph kept saying, "Good night, my sad mommy. It will be all right." I couldn't help but marvel at what an awesome kid he is. I'm glad he's mine.
Kenny is walking all over the place now. I'm not used to seeing it, so it still weirds me out even though he's been old enough to walk since who knows when. He simply didn't want to until last week. He is starting to challenge me even more than before. Bedtime is no longer an issue, but he's decided to use biting as a way to get what he wants. He bit Joseph pretty hard on the arm today, so he got a little swat on the behind which made me feel terrible, because then both boys were crying! Biting is a new/old thing for him, and he's young enough that I could almost overlook it, but I can't if he's going to hurt people. I worry a little about nursery in a month. He is starting to communicate more and knows a few short "sentences", such as, "Take it!" and "Baby down". It's cute to hear him sing and do motions for "Book of Mormon Stories" and "The Wheels on the Bus". He absolutely loves music and dances to everything. I can tell that he's already going to be one heck of a stubborn toddler, but not unlike me at that age. I think that's what scares me the most...a kid who is just like me!
I took a trip to Provo last Friday/Saturday. It was really great. I've been bad about staying in touch with my old roommate, Tanisha, but I finally called her up and arranged to take a trip by myself (James's idea) to see her. I left after James got home from school and got to Provo around 7:00. Nisha and I stayed up too late talking and catching up. I slept all right, just not long enough. We ate a leisurely breakfast and took a tour of BYU campus, which I've never done before. I loved the art and science buildings! We then got Thai for lunch. Nisha introduced me to Thai food, and I am ever grateful for that...and the recipes! There is no Thai food in Vernal, but I can make some darn good curry and pretty darn good pad Thai. :) We hung out in the afternoon and then found a Hispanic festival going on in downtown Provo, so we stopped by and got some food there. My drive home was pretty good.
I spent the next two days recovering since I was completely wiped out. We didn't do anything special for Labor Day, though James did help our neighbor finish his French drain and put a little gravel in our yard on the side. It looks a lot better, because it was just dirt and weeds before. James got a new calling, 2nd counselor in the elders' quorum. I laugh because it's the exact calling he had in our old ward. Apparently, there is a lot of work for him to do.
Our ward is really awesome. I feel like I haven't been as good at reaching out since I'm tired and have Kenny half of the time during Relief Society. On a good day, he is still challenging. I can't blame him too much, because Relief Society starts at his naptime. 11-2 church is definitely not my favorite, because it takes away my chance to nap too, so I can barely stay awake during all three meetings. Oh well. We have one more month until Kenny goes to nursery, and a few weeks after that, our baby girl is due. I sure hope I'm up to the challenge of 3 kids, because that day will be here soon.
I usually am at the end of my rope by the time naptime (1:00) rolls around. I know that a lot of it is perception, but it seems like the amount of toys on the floor is overwhelming. I feel like screaming when I have to sweep (once again) to avoid stepping in gooey rice or who-knows-what since Kenny is not the meticulous eater that Joseph was (and is). It also feels like no one is listening to me when I ask them to help out. Really, I just have a heck of a lot less patience. I sat down to take a rest right before naps. Joseph, who is very perceptive, came up and asked me if I was sad. He then said, "It's okay, my mommy, I'll give you two hugs and two kisses." And then, after doing that (which made me cry), he said, "My daddy will make you happy." That, of course, made me cry more. When I put him and Kenny to bed, Joseph kept saying, "Good night, my sad mommy. It will be all right." I couldn't help but marvel at what an awesome kid he is. I'm glad he's mine.
Kenny is walking all over the place now. I'm not used to seeing it, so it still weirds me out even though he's been old enough to walk since who knows when. He simply didn't want to until last week. He is starting to challenge me even more than before. Bedtime is no longer an issue, but he's decided to use biting as a way to get what he wants. He bit Joseph pretty hard on the arm today, so he got a little swat on the behind which made me feel terrible, because then both boys were crying! Biting is a new/old thing for him, and he's young enough that I could almost overlook it, but I can't if he's going to hurt people. I worry a little about nursery in a month. He is starting to communicate more and knows a few short "sentences", such as, "Take it!" and "Baby down". It's cute to hear him sing and do motions for "Book of Mormon Stories" and "The Wheels on the Bus". He absolutely loves music and dances to everything. I can tell that he's already going to be one heck of a stubborn toddler, but not unlike me at that age. I think that's what scares me the most...a kid who is just like me!
I took a trip to Provo last Friday/Saturday. It was really great. I've been bad about staying in touch with my old roommate, Tanisha, but I finally called her up and arranged to take a trip by myself (James's idea) to see her. I left after James got home from school and got to Provo around 7:00. Nisha and I stayed up too late talking and catching up. I slept all right, just not long enough. We ate a leisurely breakfast and took a tour of BYU campus, which I've never done before. I loved the art and science buildings! We then got Thai for lunch. Nisha introduced me to Thai food, and I am ever grateful for that...and the recipes! There is no Thai food in Vernal, but I can make some darn good curry and pretty darn good pad Thai. :) We hung out in the afternoon and then found a Hispanic festival going on in downtown Provo, so we stopped by and got some food there. My drive home was pretty good.
I spent the next two days recovering since I was completely wiped out. We didn't do anything special for Labor Day, though James did help our neighbor finish his French drain and put a little gravel in our yard on the side. It looks a lot better, because it was just dirt and weeds before. James got a new calling, 2nd counselor in the elders' quorum. I laugh because it's the exact calling he had in our old ward. Apparently, there is a lot of work for him to do.
Our ward is really awesome. I feel like I haven't been as good at reaching out since I'm tired and have Kenny half of the time during Relief Society. On a good day, he is still challenging. I can't blame him too much, because Relief Society starts at his naptime. 11-2 church is definitely not my favorite, because it takes away my chance to nap too, so I can barely stay awake during all three meetings. Oh well. We have one more month until Kenny goes to nursery, and a few weeks after that, our baby girl is due. I sure hope I'm up to the challenge of 3 kids, because that day will be here soon.
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