Mama Bear

I have a hard time taking time for myself. It's not that I never have the opportunity. I just feel guilty about leaving all the kids with James, which is crazy, because he's their dad!

This morning, I was feeling grumpy, so James offered to take the kids to the library for the summer reading activity. I agreed that it would be a good idea. Lucky me, because Katie's been asleep since 9:30 (almost 2 hours), so I've had some time to write out my frustrations (though not on this blog!).

I feel much better. I've come to realize that I worry too much about my role of mother, that it will completely consume me and take away the "Sacha" that I am. This, of course, is a silly thought. Motherhood does consume me, but that's who I am meant to be. It's the identity I longed to have for years before I ever had a baby, and it's the most important title I will ever hold. Everything I do comes back to my family in some way. My little family is what gives my life purpose, and to try to pull away from that would create a schism in me that I don't want.

"Sacha" and "mom" used to be two separate parts of my soul, but they are now forever intertwined. I will never again look at a recipe without thinking of my family first - if they'll like it, if it's healthy, and if it's cheap. When I read books, I often find myself perusing parenting tips instead of fiction. Any crafty thing I've ever made ends up having a practical purpose...and is usually for one of my kids. I can't walk past a rack of tiny dresses without at least thinking of buying one for Katie.

It's from being a mom that I've found myself. The hardest part is remembering that my identity as "Sacha" hasn't been lost at all, just repurposed into something better. That's something I can not only appreciate, but embrace.

Truth

Recent happenings in Church news have me troubled. A few nights I have struggled for sleep as I've pondered the implications of a few news articles I've read.The only word that keeps running through my mind is why?

I once gave a lesson on the priesthood during Relief Society. It can be easy to get caught up in some of the terms, so I used the analogy of driving a car. Recent events have helped me extend this analogy a little further. It's not perfect, but it's how I think of things.

Let's pretend that our Father in Heaven loaned us a car for our family. He told us that the car came with a few conditions. The car, essentially, can represent the priesthood as whole.

1. The car is on loan to us, so we don't set the conditions on how to use it. Its owner does.

2. The car is not powered by the person driving. It has power because of its creator.

3. Proper authority must be used to drive the car. This authority is given by a series of tests to prove one's worthiness.

4. The driver directs the car where to go.

5. If improperly used, the car will not work as efficiently, or perhaps not at all.

6. To start the car, one must have keys. The driver doesn't own the car, so he also doesn't own the keys.

7. The purpose of the car is to transport us from one point to another.

8. Passengers receive the same benefits as the driver: reaching a destination safely.

I have a driver's license, but Heavenly Father requested that my husband drive the car. Does that mean I don't have the capability to drive? No, because I have already proven my worthiness. The license I hold in my hand is no less valid when I take the passenger seat. On life's long journey in the car, I provide a very important role: taking care of the children in the car so we can make the journey safely. It wouldn't make sense for two people to try to drive at once or to ignore the children in the back seat. The journey would become unsafe and jeopardize the lives of everyone in the car.

I'm grateful to have a husband who is willing to drive the car (figuratively speaking) for our family. He is leading our family through righteous use of the priesthood back to our Heavenly Father.

3 Weeks

I am a terrible blogger! I remember when I used to post 3 times a week, and now it's been 3 whole weeks since I said anything. I hope I remember what the heck's been going on. It's been busy!

1. As of May 23rd, school's out for the summer! James will be taking some classes to get his geography endorsement.

2. Trip to Rexburg. We left on the 29th and stayed for a week. This was a typical, fun trip: family dinners, a little D.I. shopping, and a date for James and me. We hung out with my siblings as well since there are 3 of them in Rexburg right now.

3. Joseph's birthday. This happened on the 30th, so my little boy is now 4! How can that be? He received some books, paper, a bag of tools for helping Daddy, and superhero cape that I made. We had chocolate pound cake and went to Great-Grandma and Grandpa Lee's house to celebrate.

4. Family reunion. This was the annual Head reunion in Albion, ID. We had a great time...except for Katie's first ear infection. That made it really tough for me. She was very cranky, and I got very little sleep. Thankfully, she is back to her normal, happy self. One of my favorite parts of the reunion was the auction. My jean quilt sold for 26 bucks. That made me pretty happy. I came home with some earrings, a bath set, and a giant puzzle for Joseph.

5. AC. We received a furnace/AC from my dad's friend in NC and were waiting to get it installed. It finally happened this week! We now have central air and a brand new, more efficient furnace. I'm so excited. Nothing compares to having AC on a hot day. We even got a new thermostat. :)

6. Sleep training. I thought it would be terrible, but it was the easiest yet. Katie cried for 10 minutes while going down for a nap. That was it. She now happily goes to bed around 8 like her brothers, wakes up one time in the middle of the night, and gets up the next morning around 7. I LOVE IT. I think she's been ready for a while, but I didn't realize it. Silly me.

7. Library. We love our library! I'm actually participating in some of the programs this summer with the boys. They loved the craft today since it also involved free popsicles. We went to the splash park afterward, and they had a great time. Tomorrow, we're planning a special day with the kids to see how many reading activities we can do in one day. It's going to be great!

Now, pictures.

Grandma loves giving baths.

My little superhero.

At the Lees'.

At the zoo! (I forgot to mention.)

At the reunion making bubbles.

Hanging out on the couch with my sickie.