Doubt

My goal to "get something" from every chapter in all the scriptures is going pretty well. I used to pay less attention to the lessons in the Old Testament because it seemed that there wasn't as much to find. Though there is more stuff to wade through, there are some beautiful lessons to be found - great treasures, if you're willing to look.

The book of Job is such an example. The other times I read it, it was just the story of a guy who complained a lot and had bad friends. This time, not so much. It struck me in a very different way because of the state of the world. I never knew anyone who'd flat out left the Church until very recently. Gone inactive, yes, but not actual apostasy. This has shaken me up a bit and made me think a little deeper about how and why I believe what I do.

Job is not only a book about trials and suffering. It's a book about doubt and all the lies that the world tells us over and over again that almost seem true, logically, but are really twisted perceptions of the real truth. Job's friends, in an attempt to "comfort" him, present a few truths and many lies to try to get Job down on himself when he's done nothing wrong.

Job's friends don't succeed in cheering him up (very much), and in response, he gives his testimony, correcting their mistakes along the way. They don't believe him and keep on trying to persuade him to repent of things he hasn't done.

False                                                                   True

Man is nothing.	Man is nothing, but he is everything to God.
God will only be with us when we’re perfect.	God is with us always.
Trials do not happen to the righteous.	Trials happen to everyone.
Trials only happen when God wants to punish us.	Trials are a refining fire. They make us better people.
We deserve the trials we get.	God does not enjoy watching his children suffer, but it is a necessary part of the plan. We don't necessarily "deserve" them, but we need them.
Trials only happen when we sin.	God will correct us when necessary, but not necessarily through trials. Some trials are caused by sin, but many happen due to the agency of others and a fallen world.
God enjoys exacting vengeance on those who are wicked.	God is just, merciful, and loving. He does not get pleasure from seeing suffering, no matter the cause.
Wickedness always leads to pain, and the wicked never prosper.	Sometimes the wicked prosper, and not all wickedness is punished right away.
Wickedness is always struck down.	Wickedness will receive judgment in due time.

What does this have to do with doubt?

Job has a conversation with God at the very end of the book, and it turns out that he really doesn't understand everything about how God works. If he being such a great man doesn't understand the greatness of God, then how can I?

A person who observes the world from the natural man's eyes only sees the left column. It's what Satan would have us believe, and it's dangerous. To believe in such an uncaring, angry God makes religion seem pointless. It also doesn't consider agency, because a world where punishment instantly follows sin, who would ever do it? Why bother doing any good if it won't necessarily be rewarded? Why deny the natural man if it's so thrilling to give in? And in world of instant gratification, why wait for the blessings in the next life when you can't be so sure that it really exists? To the secular world, faith is a building on a foundation made of Jell-o. On paper, it doesn't stand up to "science" and never will. 

So many small moments throughout my life have defied logic and helped me know that God is real. I first read the Book of Mormon when I was 7. A seven-year-old is too young to be caught up in whether faith or science is more important. I still remember the feeling I got from reading the Book of Mormon, and I wasn't even old enough to understand every word. Since then, the doctrines of God  have distilled upon my soul like the dews from heaven. I can't explain how that works, but I don't need to. I am a firm believer in science too, but that doesn't discount faith in any way. I resent the random comments around the Internet I've read that suggest that faith can only be a legitimate channel for learning if the person is ignorant in worldly knowledge, and vice versa. I'm a woman of faith, and I'm also not an idiot, thank you very much, you Internet trolls.

I don't doubt science even though I can't possibly understand everything about it. If I want to know more, then I learn it. The same goes for spiritual things. I certainly don't understand everything about God, but I'm getting there one step at a time.