I don't know if I'll have any truly happy posts until I've a) had the baby and b) recovered somewhat so I don't look totally horrible. I hate how I look right now.
Even through all the garbage of this week, there are always tender mercies.
Kenny threw up and had diarrhea Saturday night, but James and I just happened to stay up a little later and were there to help him clean up. Because of our callings, we were able to switch off with church and do everything we needed to. Kenny's recovery was very quick and he was able to return to school on Monday.
Monday, my babysitter did not show up so I could go to my doctor's appointment alone. However, I was able to keep myself together and gather Katie and Lewis. Lewis was completely happy and Katie was a big help in keeping him from escaping. It's a miracle because I didn't have any food or drink with me. I got to see my baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound and there is only one, despite Katie saying I was going to have twins. I always worry that my pregnancy test was wrong or that the baby will have died and I didn't know about it, so I'm glad that this was not the case. I get a little more paranoid each time. The boys were fine went I got home. (They went and got the babysitter because they didn't know I'd asked another neighbor to take care of them until I got home.)
Katie threw up this morning, but it was on the bathroom floor and very easy to clean up. I was able to find the motivation to get her room clean in time for our visitors tomorrow (Dad and Nash). She should be fine by tomorrow, and everyone else seems fine too, so I'm crossing my fingers that it stays that way.
Even with the tender mercies, it's still been a difficult week. I lack the motivation to do anything except eat junk food, and that doesn't even sound good sometimes. Things that normally make me happy just don't. I still get them done, so I'm not clinically depressed, but I definitely feel kind of complacent about doing anything with my life right now. I do exercise, but that's not going to change the fact that I started off 20 lbs. overweight, and 10 of that I could have lost while nursing.
Speaking of which, Lewis is mostly weaned! Tomorrow I drop down to two feedings, just morning and night. He is also officially walking at least as much as he is crawling. He looks so funny because he is a little tiny thing.
Thursday, January 25, 2018
Thursday, January 18, 2018
Tired
James and I went out for his birthday (Friday) by going to the temple and then to dinner. We had German chocolate cake plus ice cream with the kids when we got home. It was delicious! I'm also really glad we went to the temple. I was supposed to go again this week but talked myself out of it because I was so tired. It's all too easy to make excuses.
I don't remember Saturday, but I think it was pretty relaxing. Sunday, I took Joseph to his baptism preview. It's really weird to think that will happen this year.
This whole week has been a struggle. I felt really sick on Monday. There was no school, so James helped me by taking the kids out for a hike so I could relax. I still felt really crummy even though I was just on the couch. Tuesday was a little better, but I still felt pretty awful. When I woke up feeling a lot better on Wednesday, I realized I'd probably had a virus because I've been feeling much better since then. I could barely eat anything because nothing sounded good. I'm glad that at least now I can eat somewhat normally without feeling like I'm going to throw up all the time.
I haven't worked on much of anything, projectwise, because I've been too tired to really focus. Thankfully, my sleep quality has improved somewhat. I wake up but am able to go back to sleep. I definitely need 9 hours in a day, just like with my other pregnancies.
Weaning Lewis is going well. He should be completely weaned right around his 1st birthday! I had stored a bunch of pumped milk in the freezer, so I've just been using that up. I'd like to think that I'll have more energy once I wean him, but I won't hope for too much because that wasn't the case when I weaned Kenny and was pregnant with Katie. Pregnancy is 1,000 times more draining than breastfeeding.
I don't know how I'm going to survive this year. One day at a time. I really hope I never have to do anything this physically demanding ever again. I can't think of anything more draining except maybe cancer.
I don't remember Saturday, but I think it was pretty relaxing. Sunday, I took Joseph to his baptism preview. It's really weird to think that will happen this year.
This whole week has been a struggle. I felt really sick on Monday. There was no school, so James helped me by taking the kids out for a hike so I could relax. I still felt really crummy even though I was just on the couch. Tuesday was a little better, but I still felt pretty awful. When I woke up feeling a lot better on Wednesday, I realized I'd probably had a virus because I've been feeling much better since then. I could barely eat anything because nothing sounded good. I'm glad that at least now I can eat somewhat normally without feeling like I'm going to throw up all the time.
I haven't worked on much of anything, projectwise, because I've been too tired to really focus. Thankfully, my sleep quality has improved somewhat. I wake up but am able to go back to sleep. I definitely need 9 hours in a day, just like with my other pregnancies.
Weaning Lewis is going well. He should be completely weaned right around his 1st birthday! I had stored a bunch of pumped milk in the freezer, so I've just been using that up. I'd like to think that I'll have more energy once I wean him, but I won't hope for too much because that wasn't the case when I weaned Kenny and was pregnant with Katie. Pregnancy is 1,000 times more draining than breastfeeding.
I don't know how I'm going to survive this year. One day at a time. I really hope I never have to do anything this physically demanding ever again. I can't think of anything more draining except maybe cancer.
Thursday, January 11, 2018
The Last One
The visit with the Heads went well. We went swimming, or the kids did, while I took a nap. We ate dinner together both nights and played some games. They had to leave Friday night instead of Saturday morning like they usually do because they got a new dog. I hope it gets a new name soon, because right now her name is Sacha. (Probably Sasha, but still...)
Saturday morning, I played the piano for stake baptisms. It went well. The rest of the day I rested because of a cold/sore throat. I felt about the same on Sunday and maybe should have stayed home, but I was needed for a meeting with a member of the bishopric. They are changing my calling yet again. Instead of playing the piano, I'll be the chorister.
This is the most reluctant I've ever felt about a calling. When James told me I needed to be at church early, I balked at the idea and even figured out quickly what I was going to be called to. I am not energetic at all these days, and I am due right before when the Primary program is supposed to happen. I feel a little better about it now, but it really feels like God has a terrible sense of humor this time. I still feel a little angry about it. I know I need to repent.
This week I have worked on a little sewing and done my regular stuff, but it's been really tough. My sleep quality is very poor, so it's a struggle to focus on anything. Food never seems very appealing either. Eating and sleeping are two of life's greatest joys, and having them taken away makes the days seem very long! My kids have already noticed that I'm grouchy, and I don't think they're as excited about this baby because of that.
I am starting to feel more confident about this being our last baby. Heavenly Father has a way of stretching me further than I though I ever could go. My first two pregnancies were fine, but even by my third, I starting hating it a lot and really struggling to just function. A lot of it is emotional, not physical, but I think I have met my limit by being pregnant a 5th time. None of my deliveries have been particularly great either, and Lewis's birth and subsequent stay in the NICU were traumatic, to say the least. All these reasons have a lot to do with it, but mostly I just know. I feel peaceful about it and ready to move on the raising kids instead of just growing them.
Saturday morning, I played the piano for stake baptisms. It went well. The rest of the day I rested because of a cold/sore throat. I felt about the same on Sunday and maybe should have stayed home, but I was needed for a meeting with a member of the bishopric. They are changing my calling yet again. Instead of playing the piano, I'll be the chorister.
This is the most reluctant I've ever felt about a calling. When James told me I needed to be at church early, I balked at the idea and even figured out quickly what I was going to be called to. I am not energetic at all these days, and I am due right before when the Primary program is supposed to happen. I feel a little better about it now, but it really feels like God has a terrible sense of humor this time. I still feel a little angry about it. I know I need to repent.
This week I have worked on a little sewing and done my regular stuff, but it's been really tough. My sleep quality is very poor, so it's a struggle to focus on anything. Food never seems very appealing either. Eating and sleeping are two of life's greatest joys, and having them taken away makes the days seem very long! My kids have already noticed that I'm grouchy, and I don't think they're as excited about this baby because of that.
I am starting to feel more confident about this being our last baby. Heavenly Father has a way of stretching me further than I though I ever could go. My first two pregnancies were fine, but even by my third, I starting hating it a lot and really struggling to just function. A lot of it is emotional, not physical, but I think I have met my limit by being pregnant a 5th time. None of my deliveries have been particularly great either, and Lewis's birth and subsequent stay in the NICU were traumatic, to say the least. All these reasons have a lot to do with it, but mostly I just know. I feel peaceful about it and ready to move on the raising kids instead of just growing them.
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