New Baby

I was right, and the first night home was really rough. It took till 2 a.m. to get Samantha to sleep because I didn't have milk yet and she was hungry, but I didn't realize that at first. We gave her a bottle and she guzzled 1 oz. and then passed out for a few hours. I felt terrible that it took that long to realize that, but none of my other babies were that hungry on their first night at home.

The good things about this week: people here to help with cooking and cleaning and shopping, feeling much better than I did a week ago and almost off pain meds, no heartburn at all (unlike my last two deliveries where I had it for a month after), lots more energy than I've had all year, cute baby to snuggle, clean bill of health at her doctor's appointment, naps, getting more done than I thought I could at this point, feeling MUCH better emotionally than after having Lewis (mostly peaceful with occasional moments of feeling overwhelmed)

The not as good: Samantha is a very slow eater and takes an hour for her night feeding. That means not enough sleep for me. Lewis has been acting out a bit and a lot more rough with her than I'd anticipated, so it's hard not to push him away all the time because he won't cooperate and be soft with the baby. Katie has also been kind of annoying and won't stop pestering my family members for things. I'm ready to have the house to myself, but I'm also not, if that makes sense.

The next month will be tough no matter what. I know the kids will adjust, Samantha will grow and eat faster, and I will adjust to my role as mom of 5 instead of 4. I have already felt great peace about never having to do this again, so the nights spent awake trying to feed a sleepy baby keep getting better day by day. I know she won't be little forever, and it will probably go by much faster than even with the other kids.

God never left my side during this pregnancy even though there were many times I felt he did. I really feel like Alma, who declared that he felt exquisite joy but only after excruciating pain. It's not that I'll never feel pain again, but this particular pain is over, the pain of pregnancy and labor. I feel peaceful that God is happy with the sacrifices I've made to have 5 wonderful children.