Well...

I feel like a rather terrible mom right now. Why is bedtime the hardest time of day? I'm sure it has something to do with putting a toddler to bed who really misses Daddy (who is working evenings for another 3 weeks) and trying to get a newborn on a semi-schedule. It seems that every day is different, but bedtime is still hard. Kenny never has a problem going back to sleep in the middle of the night, but he fights going down a little bit, and with James gone, I just don't want to cluster feed every hour. (I want to be online, or reading a book, or anything else, really!) But this too, shall pass.

Friday and Saturday we watched a mini series called Neverland. It was actually pretty good, though not something I'd go out and buy. It was entertaining and relatively clean. It tells the "before" story of Peter Pan, though not the same story found in Peter and the Star Catchers. 4 hours of a mini series? Not bad for the price of only 1 Redbox movie.

Our luck wasn't as good with yard sales this weekend. Joseph was very grumpy. For some reason, he's completely obsessed with basketballs and hoops, and every time we drive by one, he gets all excited and wants to go play basketball. (By the way, there are only about a million of those in suburbia!) Never mind that this not even 3 foot tall toddler would never make a basket. Heck, I don't make baskets very easily, only when I get lucky.

We went on a walk to check out more of Nampa's greenbelts. We've been to at least part of all of them now. I still like the one by our house the best. It has the perfect blend of shade, wildlife, and rich people's backyards.

Sunday was pretty relaxing despite my giving a talk and a lesson. Both went well, and I really wasn't very nervous. Still, it's good to have the talk out of the way. It was a beast to find the time to prepare it. My heart goes out to any mom trying to get through school! Writing one talk is like a short paper, and that's the only assignment I did last week...

James's dad suggested blessing Kenny when we go to Rexburg in 2 weeks for Kenneth's wedding reception (yes, the guy we named Kenny after!). It won't be Fast Sunday, but it will be Mother's Day. :) It will only be my 2nd as a mother, because I was 37 weeks pregnant 2 years ago.

Despite bedtime, I really do love having a newborn again. Sure, there are tons of diapers and feedings, but he's just so darn cute. He's starting to get pretty chunky, too. Life is a little more complicated than it was, but things will get easier with time. Poor Joseph is a little jealous that I don't spend as much time with him. I'm trying to think of how to do that, but I'm never going to be able to give him my undivided attention again. He loves his brother, but I don't think he really understands yet that he hasn't been replaced, and that I still love him! Poor little guy.

It's a Good Day

I feel really optimistic today. It hasn't been the easiest or shortest week, but I have a lot to be happy about!

1. A clean house. Since Friday is vacuum/laundry day, it makes everything seem really clean, even if it doesn't last long. Joseph has already destroyed the living room. :)

2. Kenny's double chin: a sure sign that he's getting enough to eat!

3. 4-hour stretches of sleep at night. There's a big difference between having to wake up 2 or 3 times. 2 times = a pretty normal day. 3 times = a slightly tired and on edge day.

4. Kenny's 1st real bath this week. He smells so good (for the moment)!

5. The fact that Kenny knows the difference between night and day. That's such a blessing in itself. He's actually been awake some during the last few days. It's exciting.

6. Pacifiers. Whoever invented them was a genius.


7. Good food. I've really lucked out on Pinterest this week and have found several really tasty, meatless meals that are easy and cheap. I've gone without meat for 5 days now, and I don't miss it at all. It's not that I don't like it; I just don't crave it when I'm not eating it. I'll report more on that later.

Grumpy Days

Saturday was my grumpy day. Why? Well, I think it started on Friday night when I ate lots of junk food, therefore giving myself a headache that wouldn't go away. Kenny wanted to eat every hour for several hours, which was only really annoying because I was trying to watch Sherlock, which is one of those shows you really have to pay close attention to! Kenny then spit up a lot, wanted more food, and wouldn't go to sleep till 10:30 (which is late for him) because I was all out of food. Thankfully, he slept until 1:40!

We've passed the threshold of "perfect" into "too hot" weather. I feel sticky, gross, and smell like sour milk. (This AC is going to get used a lot. I don't care about the bill!) I'm totally wimpy, because it's really only 80 out. I used to live in Florida, where it was hotter than that for 9 months of the year, plus 100% humidity. Never again. :)

Saturday was reasonably good, despite my complaints. We checked out a few yard sales, and I got Kenny a few 3-6 months size sleepers, the only thing he's lacking. James also got some nice shirts for school/work. We also went on a nice walk later on in the day. Nampa has a good variety of greenbelts. It's our goal to check out all of them. So far, not all of them are created equal! I actually really love the one closest to our house the best so far, but we'll see. Boise also has a 20-something mile greenbelt. Maybe one day, we will do the whole thing on bikes.

James works a lot this week, so I will have plenty of time to write my talk and prepare another lesson for Sunday. 18 kids. That's how many were in our class. A few of them weren't even there! Yeah, holy cow. The lesson went pretty well, though, I think. Still, it was totally intimidating, because most of those kids look older than I do.

Already?

Is the weekend here already? I can't believe it! It's such a contrast to last week, which seemed to drag on forever. Although James is gone all evening, I've found a few things to fill my time and be less bored once the boys are in bed. One of those is the Mormon Channel! I wish I'd found it sooner, because there's a ton of good stuff on there. I will never have time to listen to it all, but I've started with the Relief Society program. It's awesome.

I've also been preparing my Sunday School lesson for my first time teaching the 16-18 year olds. I'm so nervous, probably because I don't like the person that I was at that age. I hope that what I teach brings the Spirit, because I don't know how I can otherwise reach this age of kids. (Thinking of myself again at this age, I was pretty hard-headed when it came to Sunday School lessons.) James taught the class for the last 2 weeks, so it's my turn to go to our ward while he catches Sacrament meeting in the other ward. I will do it next week too, because I have a talk that I haven't even started yet. Oops.

I can't believe that Kenny is 2 weeks old already. Not being able to seriously work out gets lamer all the time, since I feel so darn good. Kenny is a wonderful sleeper, however, so I have no reason to even nap (knock on wood). He's been doing 4-5 hour stretches at night. Although that is often preceded by cluster feeding, I will totally take it. I'm glad it's not hot yet, because I've been able to stay hydrated. That will be a different story once it hits 80-85. Kenny is getting chubbier already, and he's quite handsome, I think. :) I need to give him a real bath, because his cord fell off, but I just haven't yet. When I do, I'll take a pic of his cuteness.

Twice the Fun

I think I can safely say that I'm past the weepy stage of recovery! Hurrah! There's nothing worse than the first week of being home, really, because everything is a bigger deal than it should be. Plus, there's the cute little stranger that you're not quite used to who keeps waking you up in the middle of the night.

Kenny is doing really well. He has his PKU lab today and now weighs 8 lbs. He sleeps for 2-3-4 hours at a time. 4 hours at night is AWESOME. I don't think Joseph did that until he was at least a couple of weeks old. I like it. I really don't mind getting up 3X a night, because I get enough sleep not to need a nap. I'm plenty tired by the end of the day, so I crash at 10:00! That's not really anything new, though, because I'd been doing that during pregnancy already. We are sort of settling into a routine. James is subbing a couple days this week. Night school is from 4-9 Mon. through Thurs. I really miss him in the evenings, because he's only every been gone during the day before, pretty much ever since we've been married. It's an adjustment, but night school only goes for another 5 weeks, and then I can have him back in the evenings. Who's counting, though?

I look forward to being able to take Kenny out in public. We've been on some beautiful walks and to the dr. a couple of times for checkups, but it gets a little old being limited in what we can do.  I've been to Sacrament meeting in a different ward for 2 weeks now, so the next 2 weeks I will go to my own ward, give my talk, and teach the class that I've never met. I'll admit that I have some anxiety over teaching 16-18 year olds. I was horrible at that age.

Spring in Nampa = perfection.

on the Boise greenbelt

So life continues on. Everything is still very uncertain about the fall. I really hope to stay here, but I guess we'll see. It's fun having 2 boys so far. Though Kenny doesn't do a whole lot besides sleep and eat, he's starting to be awake for a little while each day. I like looking at him and trying to figure out who he'll become. It's been an adventure to see Joseph grow up into a little boy, so I'm excited that I'm doing it again. I'd definitely forgotten just how angelic a newborn is and how cute it is to see one stretch!

"Normal"

Recovering from childbirth is not the easiest thing in the world. However, even a week later, I'm beginning to feel like a normal person again! There's a lot to be said for hot showers/baths, good food, a clean house, and sleep. I was sad when Mom and Carmel left, because they were a big help.

The emotional adjustment is a lot easier this time around. I'm already a full-time mom, and I'm not switching from being a full-time student. Sure, I've had my weepy moments, but a couple of really crappy things have happened in the last week, completely unrelated to the baby, like

1. Our dishwasher broke. As I speak, we are finally getting a new one.

2. The kitchen sink also broke. The handle is really loose, and it keeps getting loose every time we use it (even though we know how to tighten it!) It gets stuck on either all hot or all cold water, and then it's really hard to turn off. This problem is complicated by #1, because it makes it a real pain to wash any dishes!

3. Our debit cards expired. It's totally lame to have to rely on checks while we wait for the new ones to come. Apparently, they were sent to the wrong address in February, and then the bank deactivated them since no one used them. Hello, bank? Why didn't you tell us this so we could change our address for you?

4. James's schedule is completely reversed from how it was during student teaching. Though not an inherently bad thing, it's tough to completely flip flop my own schedule AND throw in a newborn, who is entirely unpredictable right now!

It's really not as bad as it seems. Baby Kenneth has reminded me of all the things that weren't easy with Joseph, but that I forgot about (like cluster feeding!). Apparently, I wasn't scarred for life from going through it before. Kenneth is really healthy so far, calm, content, and just cute. He's already an ounce heavier than at birth, which is really unusual for a baby only 4 (now 5) days old. Of course, he doesn't really have a schedule, but I've learned that the sleeplessness doesn't last. If I make it until 2 a.m., then I always get  long stretch of 3 hours. As long as I go to bed early, I can get enough sleep, since Joseph wakes up by 7:30.

Since James is working at night now, we're going to eat lunch together. I'm making what I used to make for dinner, for lunch. Today was really the first day that I cooked a real meal, and it felt good. Life is good, even though it's so unpredictable right now! James is still applying for jobs all over Utah and Idaho, plus a few elsewhere. We have faith that it will all work out, but it's still tough to be without anything permanent yet. Still, it's amazing how much the Lord has taken care of us and our family. He is good.

Kenneth James Head

*Nothing graphic, I promise!*

This week has been full of blessings. Monday rolled around, and still no baby. However, James was able to apply for insurance, since he's graduating and won't have any between now and a job in the fall. It turns out that he applied just in time! If we'd been busy with a baby, he might be in trouble right now, or at least after April 16th, when his coverage ends.

All in all, Monday was a reasonably calm day. Tuesday was hard to get through. I'd made up my mind not to be induced already, but it was still hard to justify waiting when everyone's coming to visit me!

Wednesday morning, I woke at 3 a.m. with contractions 10 minutes apart. They were just barely painful enough to keep me awake, so I read for a while. With Joseph, I'd also started labor at 3 a.m. and had gone to the hospital at 7 a.m. This time, I waited.

The day passed uneventfully. I ate regular meals, because I had no nausea. I also went on a walk, took a couple of naps, and enjoyed a couple of warm baths. I even thought about working out, but I was too tired. At my dr. appointment at 2 p.m., she told me to go to the hospital at 6 a.m. the next morning if I wanted to get Pit for augmenting my labor. I agreed, because I knew I'd need to show up at the hospital before that.

By 7 p.m., a warm bath wasn't helping anymore with the pain. We checked in at the hospital. I got an epidural right away and relaxed until about midnight. That's when the real pain hit. Epidurals (for me) don't even come close to getting rid of all feeling. I thought mine was broken, because I felt like I was going to die from 1:00 on. Thank goodness, Kenneth James was finally born at 2:15 on April 5th, 2012. He was 7 lbs., 8 oz., and 21 inches long.

Mostly, he's been sleeping, but he's also been eating here and there. I think he looks a lot like James and not a lot like what Joseph looked like as a newborn. He's gotten quite a few compliments on his head full of blond hair. We love him and can't wait to take him home tomorrow!

I'm really glad that I just waited it all out. I saved myself  a ton of pain by not using Pit, and I felt a whole lot better due to the fact that I'd eaten and slept all day instead of starving, puking, and being in misery strapped to a bed, which is what happened with Joseph. If the epi had worked better at the end, I'd say that I had a very ideal delivery (for me, at least, because who thinks that 24 hours of labor is ideal?!)

I really like this hospital. They have good, healthy food, and I get a whole menu to look at for each meal. The bed is comfy, though of course I've been sweating to death...totally normal for recovery, especially since I'm sitting on a plastic pad thingy. There is also wireless! Hence the blog post...

James slept here last night/this morning and doesn't have work again today, so the time has really flown by. I've been dozing, eating, and holding my precious baby. Mom and Carmel will bring Joseph to visit again. I don't think he dislikes Kenny, but he isn't sure what to think of me being in the hospital. He doesn't like being told not to play with the buttons on the bed!

I can't believe that I have 2 boys now.

The Roller Coaster

Yes, this week has been quite an emotional roller coaster for me. It's a lot like it was the week before Joseph was born. I don't know if this happens to everyone, but I've narrowed it down to the cycle of crazy feelings week 39 and on. Each lasts for a couple of days.

Stage 1: Excited! I'm almost done! My baby could be born at any time now.

Stage 2: Fear. What if he's never actually born? What if Mom shows up and he isn't here? What if I end up super late, have to get induced, and then end up with a C-section because it went badly?

Stage 3: The Blues. I'll be fat, tired, and achy FOREVER. I simply cannot do it anymore, or I'll go completely insane. I hate being pregnant. I want my body back.

Stage 4: Resignation. It will all work out just fine. It might not be on my timing, but it will happen soon. The Lord is mindful of my situation and desires, and He will make sure that this precious baby arrives safe and sound.

I'm due tomorrow. By this point with Joseph, I had been in labor for a long while...like almost 20 hours. I was feeling totally miserable, but at least I was in labor! Of course, anything can happen between now and tomorrow, and it's totally possible to have another baby on his due date. That would actually be really cool. I just don't want an induction, because Pitocin is no fun. I have no reason to do so, because I have great blood pressure, etc. I haven't even gained as much weight as I did with Joseph.

I'm currently feeling Stage 4. I want to stay that way, even if it's for another couple of days.

I'm excited to meet this little guy, no matter when he decides to show up.

It's just ironic how much I wish I could be in severe pain right now!