The Roller Coaster

Yes, this week has been quite an emotional roller coaster for me. It's a lot like it was the week before Joseph was born. I don't know if this happens to everyone, but I've narrowed it down to the cycle of crazy feelings week 39 and on. Each lasts for a couple of days.

Stage 1: Excited! I'm almost done! My baby could be born at any time now.

Stage 2: Fear. What if he's never actually born? What if Mom shows up and he isn't here? What if I end up super late, have to get induced, and then end up with a C-section because it went badly?

Stage 3: The Blues. I'll be fat, tired, and achy FOREVER. I simply cannot do it anymore, or I'll go completely insane. I hate being pregnant. I want my body back.

Stage 4: Resignation. It will all work out just fine. It might not be on my timing, but it will happen soon. The Lord is mindful of my situation and desires, and He will make sure that this precious baby arrives safe and sound.

I'm due tomorrow. By this point with Joseph, I had been in labor for a long while...like almost 20 hours. I was feeling totally miserable, but at least I was in labor! Of course, anything can happen between now and tomorrow, and it's totally possible to have another baby on his due date. That would actually be really cool. I just don't want an induction, because Pitocin is no fun. I have no reason to do so, because I have great blood pressure, etc. I haven't even gained as much weight as I did with Joseph.

I'm currently feeling Stage 4. I want to stay that way, even if it's for another couple of days.

I'm excited to meet this little guy, no matter when he decides to show up.

It's just ironic how much I wish I could be in severe pain right now!