It's funny what I end up thinking about in the middle of the night while I'm feeding Joseph. Most of the time, it's around 3:30 a.m., a time when any sane person should be sleeping. Last night (or this morning), some thoughts came to my mind that have been circulating around for a while now. What drives people to make the choices they do?
As I look back on my own life, I realize that people don't make choices that they think are really wrong or really bad. A person who lies, steals, cheats, etc. usually feels that the action is somehow justified--or that other people will be better off by that choice (lying, for example, to avoid hurting someone's feelings).
While reading the Scroll (BYU-I's silly newspaper), I realized something else about choices. Those who are making these "not so bad" choices still feel guilty, but they don't quite recognize their feelings as guilt. In the editorials, an exchange often occurs like this.
Person 1: "The prophet has reminded us about X, so everyone should be following this counsel."
Person 2: (angrily) "What makes you think that this applies to everyone? I know a person who, because of Y, cannot possibly follow X. You are a closed-minded fool who doesn't stop to consider those poor people whose feelings you're hurting right now."
Those editorials happen on a weekly basis, and they can be irksome to read after a while. It's the same old thing over and over. Never do the actual exceptions to the rules respond angrily. Nope, it's those "friends of the exceptions" who have a hard time with it.
I have a theory as to why.
Nephi declares, "Wherefore, the bguilty taketh the ctruth to be hard, for it dcutteth them to the very center." (1 Ne. 16:2)
Those angry editorial writers are probably the ones that most needed the reminder of whatever the prophet said. They know they are guilty but almost don't realize it, because it's been disguised as something else: so-called sympathy for "those poor people who can't possibly follow the rules."
The actual exceptions know who they are. All who make correct choices, whether it be following the rule or the exception, have felt the assurance from the Spirit that their choices are right. Therefore, they take no offense at the supposedly closed-minded who don't happen to mention their specific situation. Why would they care? They still know they're doing the right thing, despite what anybody says. The Spirit does not make us feel offended, but our anger at others often offends the Spirit.
I think that the most vehement opposition comes from these "angry editorial writers." I had been married only 2 months when I got pregnant. I had several rude comments from classmates that suggested it was an accident and that I was making a mistake not to seek a job. These comments confused and then almost offended me at first. I thought to myself, Why would someone not be inclined to rejoice with me? After all, I'm having a baby! It's not like I caught some dreadful disease!
I know that I made the right choice, and I have never regretted it! A scripture I read this morning reminded me of that time in my life:
"And he had hope to shake me from the faith, notwithstanding the many arevelations and the many things which I had seen concerning these things; for I truly had seen bangels, and they had ministered unto me. And also, I had cheard the voice of the Lord speaking unto me in very word, from time to time; wherefore, I could not be shaken." (Jacob 7:5)
So what's my point?
The choices we make are either good or bad. Even the "not so bad" ones are still bad. If you've made a good choice, you will know by the Spirit that it's right. It won't matter if you're the exception or the general rule. When you meet opposition to your choice, take no offense and don't be shaken. If you do, then that's a bad choice! If the choice you've made is wrong, even slightly, it will be harder to recognize. If you meet opposition and feel that you have to defend yourself, you're probably doing something wrong.
Please take no offense at anything I've written, but just know that it certainly applies to everyone...no exceptions.
Lovely post, and I totally agree! Mahon and I were talking about this recently - that people who become defensive about something usually are NOT actually at peace with their decision, whatever they may say.
ReplyDeleteI will say though, that as a person who is often an exception to the rules, sometimes (even when I KNOW I've made the right choice!) I do feel kind of harpooned by other people, and frustrated. For me, one of those choices is NOT having a baby yet! ;) I know that is the right choice for us (sadly), and I know that if I had gotten pregnant in the last 2 years it really could have been detrimental to my health and the baby's, but it's still tough.
Definitely. No matter what the choice, it seems that there are always those who aren't happy with it! I guess they've got nothing better to do than bother us. :)
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