Perfectionism is a funny thing. I deny that I am a perfectionist and like to say that I've loosened up a bit over the years. Maybe I have, but it still pops up enough to make life interesting. I realized today that my perfectionism started while I was in school. I usually had the best grades in the class with little or no effort, so that led me to believe that I can be almost perfect without trying very hard. Ha! If only that were true. As I'm trying to learn the piano, I get nervous and mess up. My pride keeps getting in the way and telling me that I should be perfect already, but I'm not!
It also popped up this weekened when I was attempting to ice skate with James. If I try something new and it turns out great, I tend to think, Duh. Of course. But if it doesn't, it's infuriating to me that I can't get it right. That's definitely true for ice skating. It was like the pride cycle in the Book of Mormon. I'd start out knowing that I didn't know how to skate and ready to learn. I'd take a few shaky glides forward, start doing better, and then start getting overconfident. Then, I'd fall over, get mad, and earn another bruise. How silly is that? All I needed to do was remain calm, keep trying, and be more willing to make mistakes in front of other people. Unfortunately, I wasn't willing to do that, and I returned home very disgruntled and annoyed at James, who is a very patient teacher.
I guess it's not the end of the world that I can't skate, but I will not give up on learning the piano. I will do better at taking suggestions and not view them as comments that are supposed to hurt me. I will work hard and play those songs until my fingers fall off, and I will not fear when I'm supposed to play in front of other people.
It's okay to fall down. Everybody does. The hard part is getting rid of the pride that makes us care so much about what other people think. For me, it's hard to be teachable when I'm not willing to do the work that is required to master something. I'm still trying to get it in my head that perfection (as the Lord requires) does take a lot of work. It doesn't happen in one night, but that doesn't mean that it's unattainable! We look at people that seem to be so far ahead of us, forgetting how long it took them to get there. It always takes work, and it always takes time.
I had an enjoyable weekend, despite all my bruises. I went to a baby shower for my cousin Juliet. One of the fun games was trying to guess the candy bar that was all smashed up and melted in the diaper. (Yuck!)
I also had the opportunity to go a Women's Conference. It was focused on families and going to the temple more often. I think I'm going to take the challenge, since I will never have this much time to myself until I am 65. I'm hoping that by going more often, I will be able to get answers on where to go in my family history. I'm at a few roadblocks right now.
Sunday, I got a new calling! James and I are going to teach the 7/8 year olds. We have a small class of 5 boys. So fun! I can't wait to get started! Hopefully after they're finished with us, they'll still want to get baptized this year. :)
In Relief Society, we had an awesome lesson about fasting. Although I haven't been able to for over a year, the lesson really impressed me to do better on Fast Sundays. I never though about fasting as a way to overcome weaknesses and temptations, but it makes perfect sense. If you can resist chocolate cake when you're hungry, you can do anything! (At least for me, since I'm such a chocoholic. My single most expensive item last shopping trip was chocolate chips. Haha.) Heaven knows that I've got plenty of weaknesses to work on, so no more excuses for me. I can still have an attitude of fasting as I'm eating. (I probably shouldn't be excited about not being able to fast either...oops.)
I read a book about sleep and solving children's sleep problems. Basically, my goal is to get Joseph to go to sleep at the same time every night, take 2 naps, and go longer in between eating. Also, I want him to fall asleep on his own when nursing doesn't put him to sleep. So far, so good. He's put up a fight at nap time a couple times, but not too bad. I think that sleep training is the toughest thing I've tried so far, because it's so tempting to go and check on him every time he whimpers, but I'm resisting. Believe it or not, he's just fine! He is already showing me that he can go back to sleep on his own in the middle of the night without having to eat again. Yay! More sleep for everyone!
And on that happy note, I'm ending my long and random post. :)
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